In the last 4 years, I have made 3 friends living in Bangkok, these 3 people I just so happened to meet at the same time.
My social life has mostly comprised of people I knew when I first got to Thailand 6 years ago.
I refused to go to meetups or expat events because I thought they were all twats, ironic I know as I'm the biggest twat in Bangkok.
I always get someone emailing me every other week saying they are coming to Bangkok and would love to buy me a beer, dinner or soapy massage because they consider me a fountain of knowledge.
While I'm flattered by all your requests, the truth is you guys are fucked, and I seriously don't want to meet any of you.
Don't take this personally, if I had a twin brother I would want to be as far away from him as possible, because he would be totally fucked too.
If you read my blog often, you're a reflection of me.
Ain't nobody wanna see dat.
Sure, I've met people over the years who gave me their Line ID and I see them every few months but they aren't friends, just people who need a drinking partner or are a friend of a friend of a friend.
The other month I read a book called Tribe: On Homecoming and Belonging (no affiliate link).
The book basically states that people are happiest with life not when they have money, but when they are part of a tribe or community of people who value them, and everyone plays a certain role.
And then it hit me:
Oh that's why I enjoy coming back to the UK every year even more.
In the UK I'm part of various tribes with my best friends and family.
The reason shooting the shoot at the local pub with friends or visiting your cousin's house is great is because you're in a tribe and have each other's back.
That got me thinking about Bangkok, I have a very small tribe here and it changes every year because so many people come and go.
3 friends in 4 years (all met at once) is pretty fucking shit.
I need to make friends, but not shit fuck friends.
How I'm building my social circle in Bangkok
The secret to building a good social circle in Bangkok is to avoid losers and liars.
For 90% of my time in Thailand I would consider myself a shit bag loser, today I would consider myself only 40% shit bag loser.
I'm not a liar though, in fact I'm probably one of the most honest people you'll ever come across.
Liars just give off the wrong energy and are people you don't want to deal with. They will often ask you for money you won't ever see again or fuck you over when they can. This happens a lot more than you think too.
For example, I cannot be your friend if you:
- are being coy about what visa you have
- just say "I work online" or something totally abstract when I ask about your employment
- put a girl before your friends
- be abstract about where you live in Bangkok
- don't share any of your previous life history
We've all met Bangkok expats before who won't tell you what city they are from, what they do for work, what visa they have or the university they studied at.
To me these are all red flags and people I want to avoid.
And we've all met the people who are totally open about all the above and more, they tend to be the people who have nothing to hide and make much better friends.
Personally I've found the best places to meet good quality people are venues that cost lots of cash money to enter (not clubs or G clubs).
Joining any kind of sports clubs where the monthly fee is 3,000b or more filters out a lot of trash.
Anyone who can afford to spend 36,000b on a membership is usually more successful and focused in life than someone who goes the gym in On-nut at 20b per session.
Yes this is me being a total snob, but I've lived in On-nut for many years in a 5,000b room, and I've been to the gym I talked about in the previous sentence because I was a 100% shit bag loser who could not afford a membership somewhere nice.
I've been there and they are not good places to build a good social circle of friends.
This isn't to say that everyone at the fancy gyms is nice, there are also wankers there but overall they will have much better expats there.
I don't like Crossfit but these gyms are the best to make new friends, Muay Thai also.
Co-working spaces are good if you have an online business or work in that area.
Meetup.com is cool if you select meetups based on your hobbies and passions.
If your condo has a swimming pool or garden area go out there and talk to people, these are some of the best places to meet expats, especially if you live in a condo where the average room is 18,000b/month. Doesn't work so well if you pay 5,000b per month.
Local parks can work too but you usually need to be with someone else otherwise you'll look creepy.
Whatever you do don't fall into the trap of only meeting Thai girls on dating sites like Thai Cupid as your social interaction fix, mix it up and meet some people you can hang with who will help you grow as a person. This is how you will build a tribe of friends in Bangkok.
What does your social circle look like in Bangkok?
About Author
Harvie
Hey, thanks for reading my blog. I'm Harvie, a digital nomad who has been living in Thailand for a little over 5 years now primarily living in Bangkok.
