Two days before England's Rugby World Cup warm-up match against Ireland in Dublin in August, the first warning sign sounded about Owen Farrell's true state of mind.
Until that point, Farrell had always exuded the air of the ultimate test-match animal, an unbreakable warrior unhindered by self-doubt, and less influenced by critics, booing fans or the poisoned words of social media trolls.
Those who created the image of him as a pantomime villain based on a tackling technique that sometimes fell outside the rules of the game, and a combative attitude, were wasting their time throwing darts at rugby union's man of steel, it seemed It.
After all, this was the player who was destined to play for his country. At the age of 14, his school, St George's in Harpenden, had to apply for special dispensation from the Rugby Football Union in order to play for the school's 1st XV.
He made his debut for Saracens at the age of just 17 years and 11 days - an English record at the time - while still at school and within five years he was representing the British and Irish Lions on their victorious tour of Australia - also on tour New -Zeeland in 2017 and South Africa in 2021.
His retention as England captain by Steve Borthwick when he took over as head coach in January surprised some who thought change was needed to sever the link with the Eddie Jones regime. Internally, the reasoning was simple: Farrell's presence in the squad raised the standards of those around him.
Borthwick not only decided to build a team around himself for the World Cup in France, but valued his influence to such an extent that he was expected to play a key role in the subsequent four-year cycle towards the tournament in Australia in 2027.
His father, Andy, the Ireland head coach and two-time Super League Man of Steel, sat in the media conference room at the Aviva Stadium to remind us that his son was only human after all.
"I'd probably bring his mother in here for an interview with you, and then you'll see the human side of the b--t that's happening, you know?" said Farrell Sr.
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'Or maybe get his wife to write a book about it, because then you'll probably see the impact it has, not just on the professional player, but on the families and the human side that comes with it.
"I don't normally say too much about my son for reasons like that, but what I would probably say at this point is that the circus that's going on in and around all of this is, in my opinion, absolutely disgusting. . Awful. I imagine those who enjoyed their time in the sun will have a few more days to continue doing so.
The moment that changed everything had come five days earlier, when Farrell had seen the yellow card he had received for a high tackle in the Wales back row, Taine Basham was sent off during England's victory at Twickenham.
Not only did it spark an immediate and vitriolic reaction on social media, but the enormity of potentially missing out on what could be his final World Cup campaign for England hit him hard, harder than most could have imagined.
The days that followed did little to help his emotional state, with the independent disciplinary hearing first clearing him of a red card, with World Rugby then announcing on the morning of his father's outburst that they had appealed the decision after an even more toxic pile. on social media.
The 'circus' had not only pierced Farrell's gladiator exterior, but also, as his father had revealed, breached the family's inner walls.
And the interim phase that followed - with World Rugby's appeal proving successful in reinstating the red card with a four-week ban, which did not end Farrell's World Cup campaign but saw him miss England's opening matches against Argentina and Japan - turned out to have been something effective. of a state of purgatory for Farrell.
He had to watch as George Ford first blossomed in his absence and upon his return found his role as pantomime villain had been upgraded to such an extent that he was booed by some England fans and those of their opponents despite defying expectations. by finishing third at the World Cup.
The length of the tournament didn't help: the England players had effectively been together and away from home since early July and while Farrell captained the side admirably on his return - the Borthwick side came within a late kick of reaching the final - it took toll.
In the week after the semi-final defeat to South Africa, when his teammate Tom Curry found himself at the center of a social media storm after claiming he had been racially abused by Springbok hooker Bongi Mbonambi, Farrell issued a glimpse of his own torment defending his flanker.
"Tom was first class this week, as always," Farrell said at the time. 'What is incomprehensible is the amount of abuse he is enduring. The effect that that has, not just on him, is the part that I and we really don't understand. And I know it seems to be that way more and more, but it shouldn't be that way, it shouldn't be that way.
"You are dealing with people, with people. Just because you say things on your phone or behind a computer screen doesn't make it acceptable. It seems to be going this way more and more, and I don't think it's acceptable."
Asked if there is a solution to protect players from online abuse, Farrell said: "I don't think it's something we should come up with. I think there are more people than me who know what we can do about it and can advise us on it. Everybody is different. I don't enjoy looking at it, (or) I don't enjoy interacting with people outside of the people close to you. I'm not looking forward to doing that, no."
Just a week ago, at the launch of the Investec Champions Cup at the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, Farrell appeared to signal he was ready to continue playing for England, including the prospect of becoming the most capped player. With 112 caps to his name, he only needs 16 more to overtake Ben Youngs.
"I love what I do, I'm passionate about it and I don't see that slowing down anytime soon," he said. "I'm incredibly lucky to be able to do something that I'm really passionate about and I want to play for as long as I can while I'm still passionate about what I do."
But behind the scenes, the impact on his family dominated his heart.
The prospect of meeting in England ahead of the Six Nations, which starts in February, has the minds on edge. The English warrior captain has made perhaps his most courageous decision: renouncing representing his country to protect his family.
With the support of his lifelong club Saracens, he will continue to play in the Premier League, but the question now is whether he will ever get the red bull's eye again. England fans who appreciate his value can only hope he 'does a Ben Stokes' and returns to the international stage. Those who didn't are left wondering if this was really what they wished for.
