Expat Magazine

How Not To Die Guide for Thailand (Complete Guide)

By Harvie

We've all got at least one mate who has gone full retard in Thailand or Aisa.

You look at a creature like this and think to yourself what the hell happened?

This friend of ours will typically fall into one of the following groups:

  • sexpat
  • ladyboy lover
  • the scammer
  • substance abuser
  • forever alone-er
  • broke
  • mentally retarded
  • broke sex blogger selling ebooks on How to Be a Freelancer
  • paedophile or;
  • a combination of any of the above

How do they become autistic retards?

Let's find out.

How not to die in Thailand

You might not know it, but the moment you step off the plane to live your new life in Thailand, you enter a simulation.

I don't know how to explain it but life will never be the same again.

The rules of the game have changed.

Nobody knows you here. You have a fresh start. A new lease on life.

This fresh start can be good for many, but it can also turn people into their truest form (see the bullets points above).

How Not To Die Guide for Thailand (Complete Guide)

The simulation is a role-playing playing game (RPG) where you wander around Asia trying not to lose all your health points (HP).

The reason sexpats become sexpats is that they spend too much time in areas such as Soi Cowboy and Nana Plaza in the simulation.

Instead of only spending a few hours there every other month, they make it their Main Quest.

When you spend too much time in these extremely pleasurable yet toxic places, you end up losing health points.

You started the simulation at 100%, but after binging on girls and alcohol for 6 weeks, you're at 70%.

How Not To Die Guide for Thailand (Complete Guide)

If you plan to live in Thailand for a long ass time (I'm talking years or decades), you cannot treat your time here like a holiday.

There's nothing wrong with visiting go-go bars daily on a 7 day holiday, but if you do that while living here for 8 years, you will turn into a sexpat or become the guy who loses his house and money to a bar girl.

If you don't become either of them, then you'll most likely end up being a scammer or go broke because you wasted all your money there.

There are thousands of young men in Thailand with untreated sex addictions because they focused all their time on Thai Cupid and meeting up girls as the main quest.

Now all they can think about is meeting the next girl, getting the next hit and doing it again and again. This is how you become a forever aloner, or a guy who hates women.

If you want to live (not have a holiday) in Thailand, you cannot do all this crazy fucked up shit every week, because you'll lose health points and turn into one of the above.

Yes, I just banned you from visiting the go-go every week!

You may think that once a week is no big deal, but then it will turn into multiple visits per week and before you know it, you know half the girls working there.

To some of you this may sound obvious, yet every month you'll hear stories of people falling into the same wormholes.

Bangkok is all about Balance

Balance is key.

It's all fun and jizz getting soapies here and handjobs there, but you need to balance your intake of darkness with light.

Whatever amount of time you spend in the darkness, triple the amount of time you spend in the light.

Take part in health quests in the simulation such as visiting the gym, working, learning new skills or making friends.

If you stay in the light 3x more than you do in the dark, your health bar will remain consistent and your mental health stable.

I think the sweet spot is to keep your health bar around 60-75%, any more than that and you become too boring, any less and you run the risk of turning into a sexpat or mental retard.

If you ever let your bar slip into the low 30-40%, you're in the danger area.

How Not To Die Guide for Thailand (Complete Guide)

Once you hit 40%, you need to abort the simulation and go home.

You're too much of a liability to stay in Thailand.

The problem is when you reach the 30-40% people cannot reason with you anymore, you tell them you're fine and carry on your quest until it's too late.

Spend at least 12-24 months recovering before you ever come back.

But if you have been wondering why such people turn into such things, it's because they spent too much time in the wrong place.

And who can fucking blame them, the darkest spots in Bangkok are also the best.

But like anything that gives you an insane high, there will be lows my friend.

Now donate me some fucking bitcoin to the addresses below and leave a comment letting me know what you thought of this article and what you would like me to talk about next.

A few people are asking for more photos of Bangkok so next week I may do a random photo collection descrbing what the hell is going on in each photo.

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About Author

How Not To Die Guide for Thailand (Complete Guide)

Hey, thanks for reading my blog. I'm Harvie, a digital nomad who has been living in Thailand for a little over 5 years now primarily living in Bangkok.

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