How to deal with toddler tantrums? Don't look at me for answers. After reading through hundreds of articles, half a dozen books, and attending a couple of seminars, I still don't have the answer. What I have is my experience with Mila and how I am trying to learn one bad day at a time.
Last night was the first time I had encountered one of my fears: I couldn't understand Mila. Her small cry turned into an hour of full blown tantrum and non stop crying. Just writing this now and thinking about last night gets me teary-eyed. If I'm at home instead of here at work, I know I'll be crying buckets because of frustration.
Last Sunday, the little girl was sound asleep by 8pm and woke up the next morning at 9. Quiet a milestone. Even the whole morning and afternoon, Mila was an angel. Just playing and eating and more play. I had to leave for a few hours but she didn't mind at all. When I got home, it was already 4pm and she hadn't taken a nap yet. So we went upstairs for quiet time and after 5 mins, she's sleeping soundly on my arms. No cries, no trouble.
After an hour, she woke up crying. Just non-stop wailing. I was surprised because she is generally a quiet baby and the whole day, she was so nice and happy. I tried to feed her, checked her diapers, made sure there's no insect bites or anything that may be hurting her. None. I know her cries and it just sounded like a bad dream sort of cry instead of hurting. So I sang her a lullaby, carried her and danced her. Not working. I tried to massage her tummy, caressed her head, rubbed her back. Still crying. Tried to give her to her Dad, but she held on to me and would not let go. I'm torn between putting her down on the bed to let her cry it out and carrying her just to soothe her. Neither worked. I sat down and looked her in the eyes and talked to her softly, just like on the guide books but she just screamed louder. She started kicking and hitting and rolling on the bed and I want to cry at that point. This is not my sweet Mila.
I know there is something bothering her. I just don't know what. This is my fault because she needs something and I cannot understand. I tried to calm her down but I cannot calm myself down. Her yaya even offered to take Mila and I refused because I am the mother. I should be able to care and pacify her. I'm keeping that pride in me so I just shooed yaya out of the room. I can handle this, I told her.
But I'm afraid really and didn't think I could handle it. I'm afraid I'm so busy all the time and cannot understand Mila's needs anymore. I'm afraid I'm not doing enough to care for Mila. I'm afraid my short patience is being tested. I'm afraid of this big urge to hit her, to shout back, to scream louder. That's the last thing I want to do to Mila. So I prayed. I just hugged her and I prayed. Not for the Lord to stop Mila from crying but for me to have the grace of understanding and patience. For me to have a calm heart so I can share that to Mila.
Prayers work wonders. Mila just suddenly stopped crying and picked up one of her dolls that I had been trying to give her all this time, like it was the first time she saw it. Then she was laughing. And she hugged and kissed me and everything is good in the world again.
