This week we are featuring guest posts from other sucessful blog writers. All guest writers invited to write on mynewchinesewife.com have a considerable amount of experience living in China and/ or are currently in relationships with a Chinese. We feel this is a genuine way to shed some light on what international relationships are all about.
When you first start trying to get a date in China you may think it will be easy, just throw on the charm that always worked back home, spend some money on a girl, and you’re good to go.
This can work, but you’ll likely end up with a Chinese girlfriend who only wants your money, constantly expecting you to buy gifts for her and as soon as you turn off the money faucet she runs away calling you every name in the book. There are better and smarter ways to impress a Chinese girl and start a good relationship.
1. Get on QQ.
I know it sounds silly, but many Chinese people think that if you have QQ you must love the culture and that makes you a lot more attractive in their eyes. When I tell Chinese people I have QQ, they act amazed especially young women, and they’ll almost always connect with me. A few weeks ago I gave my QQ number to about 20 men and women at an English corner almost at random. After connecting with most of them, I had five women actually ask if I wanted to meet them for some fun. As soon as I said I was married, they got busy and I never heard from them again.
2. Get her talking
One thing I’ve noticed with a lot of guys both Chinese and Western is they talk about themselves. Their jobs, how much money they have, how many houses, their education, and it just goes on. Now a lot of Chinese women don’t like talking about themselves at least to men, since it isn’t very humble, but if you can get her to open up a bit, you suddenly become number 1 in her eyes. At that point, just sit back, nod your head and ask an occasional question.
3. Don’t put up with insults
One thing I hate is how Chinese women have been taught that it’s cute to throw temper tantrums. A little bit is fine, but some women take it to extremes, and Chinese men accept it, even finding it cute, so a lot of Western men put up with it. From talking with Westerners and dealing with it myself, if you ignore her when she snaps, or walk away, you will lose a few relationships, but more often the woman will realize you have a backbone and will respect you for it. Don’t get angry, don’t shout back, just walk away and deal with a day of her being angry, then you can talk about it like two adults.
4. Be a gentleman
If you look on the net and watch Chinese couples, the man doesn’t often do the little things that are second nature for a Western gentleman, holding doors open, offering to carry bags without being asked, help her out of a car, etc. At first when you try these things you’ll get a strange look from her, but after a few times, she’ll really appreciate the little things you do.
5. Have her teach you Chinese
This isn’t easy, I’ve been in China for over 6 years and my Chinese is atrocious, but if you ask a girl your interested in to teach you Chinese it will make her weak in the knees. You’re giving her face by letting her be your teacher, you give her a good reason to spend time with you that won’t have her friends laughing and prudish parents yelling at her, and you show respect for the culture. Even if you just learn a few phrases and words it’s enough to make her like you.
So that’s the short list of things you can do to get a Chinese woman to like you. But remember, everyone is different, so start off with these, see how it works and change things as you find out what works on that particular woman.
Good luck.
Dan Clarke is married to a beautiful Chinese woman, who he somehow swept off her feet with his authentic bumbling attempts at being nice. He also has a website Living and Working in China (http://www.chinaworkandlive.com) that offers advice for the expat about China.
