Hope is a cruel thing.
I understand that sometimes it's needed in order to survive. When there's nothing else at all to pull you through.
But I'm not a fan of it at all.
I like sure things. Certainty. Probably because there's been a distinct drought of that good stuff lately.
Every time I've allowed myself to dare to hope, those hopes are swiftly dashed.
"How do you people live like this? Day after day, just hoping people are gonna do what you want."
I love this quote (by Kilgrave) from Jessica Jones. It's stuck with me ever since.
Not so long ago, I used to be a dreamer. Now I'm the coldest, hardest, steeliest bitch. Got no time nor use for imaginings, only what is.
"The rest of us are just walking around, trying not to be disappointed with the way that our lives turned out."
This melancholy line from Skeleton Twins (highly recommended, a solid movie with standout performances from usually comic actors) had me literally frozen in place, holding my breath as it washed over me. That is not what I want for myself. That's what I've been doing for the past couple of years, and that is far, far too long.
One cannot subsist on hope alone. But finally, I'm on the very cusp of achieving something I've dreamed about for so long. It's hard to believe, and it feels so surreal.
