Here’s The “Jersey Shore” Reunion Trailer….. But Where’s Snooki’s Pickle?

The first trailer for the Jersey Shore reunion was released, and anyone with any marketing know-how would have done this trailer right. They would have opened it with old b&w footage of former Jersey Shore hobbitess (and current thinner Jersey Shore hobbitess) Snooki celebrating pickles back in the day and how much she loves ~~those dick substitutes~~ them. And then new 2017 footage of a svelte Snooki talking about how she might have lost weight but she still loves ~~those dick substitutes~~ pickles! It would hearken back to the old days, and comfort the viewer by showing nothing’s changed that much. Then again, it’s E! and all of their marketing intelligentsia are on the Kardashian project and mostly concerned with making that family palatable to humans.

As we reported a couple of weeks ago, Jersey Shore: Reunion Road Trip will air on E! later this month and feature all of the Affliction-afflicted crew coming together for a road trip to visit their old haunts on the shore. It’s true that not much has changed unless you consider The Situation’s legal troubles. The trailer is a lot of people so tanned that they’ve probably scorched their DNA riding around and taking photos with their phones. The Situation is in a neck brace at one point. I’m not sure if someone finally popped him one, or the forceful head he was giving a judge to avoid federal prison time caused a neck injury.

There are some noticeable absences among the cast in the trailer. Deena Cortese doesn’t seem to be around. And most glaringly, RAHN (tn Ronnie Ortiz) is missing. Are they on the way to pick him up at the gym? Or his roid dealer’s house? It won’t be a Jersey Shore reunion without Sammi Sweetheart screaming “RAHN STAAAAAHP IT!!!”