Just the other day I was talking with a client and asked if he had read my blog on the one-word key to a successful marriage. He said no. I first proceeded to tell him about the blog and then I followed it up and asked him what one word he thought could be the key to a successful relationship. To my amazement, this is what he said: “YES!”
“Yes,” I parroted back to him, “what do you mean?” Of course I really had an idea because it was in keeping with the dialogue we were having with his significant other in the session. But I was curious to hear his perspective!
Here is what I learned. He said that if he were to say “yes” to his partner all the time there would be no conflict and his relationship would be stress free. So I ask you, my devoted readers, how do you feel about this one?
As we discussed it and tossed it around, we decided that it was unrealistic. Not only that, if he did just say “yes” all the time, he would likely end up with resentment towards her.
And she had input also! She quickly defended herself, stating that it was not what she expected of him and that he was incorrect in thinking that was all she needed. She did point out that what she needed was actually better defined as respect.
Even though my previous blog of Tuesday, cited “compromise” as the one word the elderly couple found to be the key value for their long lasting marriage, in all honesty, there are actually many words that could work. The key is to be aware of what they are for each of you and find the one or two that are most important to both of you.
If you don’t yet know what key value you and your spouse share as the most important for your marriage, a good exercise might be to compile a list of words that might fit for your relationship. Then you can share it with each other and talk about it, deciding together on one to keep above all else. And of course, act on it daily!
Some words that come to mind for me are: respect, compassion, empathy, trust, friendship and of course, love. Every relationship is different and the words that define it may be different as well. In fact, it just might be that your relationship will have more than one word. If that’s the case for you – I say, by all means, go for it!
Find the key values that are most important to you and your spouse – it’s a simple step to take to have a fulfilling marriage.
