I contemplated some time about writing this post but I think having the willingness to pour out my heartfelt thoughts was what made me struck a chord with many of you in the first place. August has been a bumpy month for me and while I stumble my way along the rock-strewn paths of marriage, motherhood and life itself, I look up and try my best to find that silver lining that lies in every cloud.
So in today's "Happiness is...", it's going to be a little less full of joy but nonetheless filled with hope.
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There were times when I looked at my reflection and wondered if I was a good mom. Sure, I cook, bathe and put the kids to sleep. But am I doing enough in developing and nurturing them? There just seems to be so much more I can do as a teacher, yet there seems so little time I can fork out each day.
There were moments when I tried to find myself on my map of life but couldn't really pinpoint where I was or where I was heading towards. Yes, the feeling of being lost. I wish I could be more sure of my direction but the truth is, I am only taking things one step at a time and see where life brings me.
Then there were situations where I felt stuck. Should I do this or that? Is this the right or wrong thing to do? Does this make me a better or worse mum?
Many a time, I find myself trying so hard to maintain a balance. To balance my roles as a wife, daughter, friend and mother. Sometimes I find myself falling onto one side and overlooking my other roles, and that is when I have to pull myself back onto the right track and think about the people and things that matter in my life.
I don't know if all mums do it, but sometimes when I see my child crying, I can't help but shed a tear or two. Actually, I don't know if it is because of empathy, pain or guilt. Or maybe a bit of everything. Or maybe, it is just another way to let out some emotions.
On some days, the world just seems a little more black and white and for some reason, these days are just duller than the rest.
Sometimes, it feels like I'm alone in the world and the only one who walks beside me is my shadow. This month, our love hit a rock bottom and while we try to work out the rough patches and rebuild the trust we lost, the hubby and I realize we have a need to rekindle the spark we once had.
Then there are the days where I feel in need of a superhero in my life. Days when I realize that much as I try to depend on me and just me for everything in life, sometimes it feels good to have a shoulder to lean on.
But despite the setbacks and shivering cold days that I may encounter in love, life and motherhood, I discover that there is something that is not so hard to be warmed. A heart. And when your heart is warmed, you are better able to spot the silver lining and feel more than ready to take up all the challenges that lie ahead.
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So what are the things that warm my heart and give me hope?
They are the simplest things in life that I sometimes overlook when I get too blinded by frustration, despair or impatience.
I am reminded by the tiny fingers that stroke my face, pull my hair and hold my hand that my kids will only be young this once.
The sweet smiles on their faces when we are out that tells me the kids are happy and nothing else matters more than being together as a family.
The way she calls me "Mama" every morning or runs over to give me a hug and kiss out of the blue lets me know that I am truly loved.
When I look at the pictures of the kids growing up day by day, it just tells me that while I may not be doing all the right things as a mum, but I've gotta be doing some things right.
When I look at them fast asleep in my arms, it feels good to know that I can protect them and give more warmth and love than I had ever imagined.
I may not be the best teacher but hearing her many first words like "Cold", "Girl" and "Hot" and "Flower" this month just tells me that I need not be the most disciplined person and that every mother has her own unique ways to teach her children. No good or bad, right or wrong.
We may not be the perfect wife or husband or the perfect parents and we have so much to learn about loving relationships. But for now, I can safely say we are the best parents for our girls just because there isn't anyone who loves them, or needs them, half as much.
While I may not be able to protect my kids 100% of the time, in the first place I don't think there is a need to, at least when they fall, cry or get hurt, I let them be assured in the knowing that they are constantly wrapped in a mother's love.
When life takes a swing at you, I discover the most important thing is to keep calm and believe. With faith, hope and poise, it is possible to overcome any setback and through it all, you learn a precious lesson about life that makes you a better person.
I decided that while I may not be able to see a clear future, the best I can do is to treasure every moment of my present and as I live on with my loved ones beside me, I know I can write a beautiful life story in my twilight years.
So you see, slowly but surely, I will be overcoming the hurdles that lie ahead in all my interpersonal relationships and in life itself. I know that they will keep on coming and to make the most out of life, I have to keep on trying. That's the hardest yet the most rewarding part of it all, don't you think so?
Not perfect. Not the best. Not even close. But always, a happy and hopeful wife and mom.
How was August like for you?
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<a href="http://www.ahappymum.com/search/label/Happiness%20and%20hope"><img src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-g3Umfs0DomU/USuRpH5q5LI/AAAAAAAAOso/C6X-Qart_m8/s150/Happiness+is+button2.jpg" alt="new button" width="125" height="125" /></a>What are you HAPPY for this month?
Happy memories have a special way of touching our hearts every time we think about them. Join in my linky party at the end of every month and let us smile, rejoice and share the simple joys of life. Highlight and press Ctrl + C to copy my button above, include it in your post/sidebar and add your link below. For happiness is all around us.
