Hanging With Hazel: A successful working (from home) dog's job description
You all know me- I'm Hazel. The last time I barked at you I told you all about how happy I am that mom and I work from home to stay safe from the rona. I told you all of the things I like about it, but I forgot to tell you about my job. Now that you know I work from home, let me tell you a little about what I do. I wear many collars here at work. My role here is vital to our success. Some days I feel a little micromanaged by mum, but since I love her I tolerate it. These are some of my job duties. I can't wait for you to learn about how pawesome of a worker I am!
I'm a Certified Pillow Relocator. There are lots of pillows on our couch. Too many if you ask me. I develop creative ways of relocating the pillows to the floor. Sometimes it is an ongoing process of moving the pillows from one side of the couch to the other. But ultimately the goal is to relocate them to the floor. I'm great at it! My big paws are great for kicking pillows off the couch.
I'm also a fantastic Walking Guide. I lead us up snowbanks, through parks, in the water, and I'm great at finding the sidewalks with the most amount of food on them. If it wasn't for my expert guiding skills mom would never end up with snow in her boots! I provide her with a realistic, snow-to-foot experience. When I see a bunny I promote myself from Walking Guide to Running Guide. Chasing bunnies is at the top of the list of my favorite job duties. This is the task mom tries to micromanage the most.
I am the Senior Snuggle Manager at our workplace. I excel in this role. No one can out-snuggle me! I find it really helps boost morale. Out of all of the many jobs in my job description, I think this is the one mom likes most. Me too!
The most rewarding part of my job is getting to be the Lead Fluff Distributor. There are a lot of items with fluff in them and it's my job to get it out- by any means necessary. Then I make sure I evenly distribute it throughout the house.
I'm so good at it that I've been promoted to Executive Officer of Toy Decapitation. I find that the best way to get the fluff out is to remove the head. If heads are rolling I know I've done a good job. I wonder if I'll earn a bonus for making the squeaking stop?
When It comes to working with toys I'm a really good multitasker. I can work with multiple toys at one time. Mum likes to challenge me at work by putting the toys back in the toy box. It gives me an opportunity to take them all out and try again. To prove myself.
Throughout the day I also act as mum's Bathroom Assistant. I make sure she always has company when she's on the toilet. She should never have to visit the bathroom without a Hazel butt to scratch or my watchful eyes- especially the eye that blinks. It's just another way that we work well as a team.
Guess what? I'm the best Lunchbreak Enforcer in the business! I wasn't hired for this but I saw a necessary job not being done and I stepped up to the plate. I'm really self-motivated, especially when it comes to food. Plus, if I enforce mum's lunchbreak then I get some yummies when she's all finished. It's a win-win situation.
I'm also a Professional Plate Cleaner. I have 5 years of experience in this role. I really enjoy this job. The best word I can use to describe it is 'yummy.' I'm also a Professional Floor Cleaner. Truthfully, I'll clean up any fallen food. I'll clean it off the couch, the chairs, the floor, the bed. I'm a team player and I don't discriminate.
I'm a great problem solver. Mum gives me special projects every day. She gives me treat-dispensing toys and it is my job to get all the kibbles out. It's the role I was born to play. I work relentlessly at getting the kibbles out of those toys. It's tiring work, but someone's got to do it.
I do some seasonal work as well. In the winter I'm a Snow Painter. I only work with one color though; yellow. One thing I don't do is pick up my own poop. That's not my job and way above my pay grade. Mum has told me several times that she wishes I would pick up my own poop, but when I try to pick it up my way she gets mad... Sometimes it's hard to know what my boss expects of me.
I'm an excellent employee. I'm never late, in fact, I wake mom up for work. I have a positive, can-do attitude. But since it's only mom and me, I don't have anyone to argue in my favour. I feel I deserve a raise. I'd like three treats an hour and four walks a day. Long walks. Based on my experience and performance I feel this is fair. Can you help me? Give me a peer evaluation in the comments to tell mom I deserve a raise. Or I'm walking! Off-leash! I'll leave and go work wherever that bunny works.
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