When asked my views on Western-Chinese interracial relationships I was thrilled, but when they asked me to focus on the aspect of age differences in these relationships I thought to myself,” I know all about this.”
You see, I am currently married to a Chinese man and to add to the mix I am Black American and to make things even more difficult; I am 44 yrs old and he just turned 30 in October 2013. Yep, I know all about this age thing. Did I mention that we reside in mainland China? Hey, if I am going to do it I might as well jump in with both feet, right?
Actually, in China age is a very serious issue; well, if your a woman. There is a huge double standard over here. The older the man is the more stable and secure he is and the more women he is bound to get. However, a woman’s shelf life pretty much is over after 30. Oh and if you are over 40, forget about it. You might as well start buying some cats and learning to knit.
It seems the Chinese locals believe that child bearing age is before thirty, so if you have past this age your ability to have children lessens therefore the women become undesirable. We all know besides money, the reason you get married in China is to have children. If you cannot have children then you are pretty much useless to your husband. Although it is a little more complicated than that, it is pretty much the jist of it. There are hundreds of unmarried women in China that have expired and considered “old virgins” at the young age of 33 years old.
When it comes to interracial relationships, if the man is Western and white you are pretty much a God. Other nationalities are also considered quite a catch. There is a stereotype that foreigners are very rich and this feeds into the need for security for Chinese women and their families. Nowadays there are more and more Chinese women that are independent and have a more Western thought process. They are more focused on career and education. However, their parents still have the traditional thinking and want to see their daughter’s future husband have a car, house, money and pay a bride price to the family for her before the age of 30. The women are often harassed and set up with various men their parents have found for them as potential husbands.
As for the racial differences and generation gaps, they are easy to solve through acceptance, patience and compromise. When you love and care for someone these things are very small issues and easy to overcome. As with any relationship, it takes hard work and respect for each other.
I have to say the most difficult part of an interracial relationship with a native Chinese local is society and their families. If you can deal with the negative comments about your relationship and the high financial demands from their family then your relationship will be peachy. I always say that other people have more problems with my relationship than we do. But they say love conquers all, and from my experiences it is holding true.
Jo BaiAuthor and Blogger
www.lifebehindthewall.wordpress.com
