Elizabeth Bernstein of the WSJ put out a great piece today on marital sex. The article focuses on two studies from the University of Toronto that were recently published in the Journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. The studies divided the most common reasons people in long-term relationships have sex into two categories of motivation- approach and avoidance. Approach is about a more positive outcome (seek closeness) where avoidance is about evading a negative outcome (like guilt). They also divide these categories into self-focused or partner-focused.
Bottom line is that WHY couples have sex in the first place- approach or avoidance- affects overall marital satisfaction. Yes, common sense, but somehow we don’t give this the thought we should. Apparently, the after affects of a positive reason for intimacy persist for months afterwards and boost martial happiness and health- talk about an afterglow. Partner-focused goals come out on top in their impact on a relationship, no pun intended- so remember that valuing your partner’s needs and feelings has rewards of its own.
Not surprising at all is that when the motivation of one’s partner directly affected their sexual satisfaction. In other words, when they are into it and into you- it’s great. One’s gender did not make any real difference to the study results.
The important take way is that if you are into having sex for positive reasons and care about the feelings of your partner and seek more closeness from the act- you will have a stronger and happier marriage. Sounds simple, huh? Tell that to the exhausted Mom who only wants time alone and extra sleep at the end of another kid-crazy day. It’s not simple, but it can be done with some planning and creativity. Think of what better sex could do to the divorce rate????
Want to read more? Go to Ms Bernstein’s article at http://online.wsj.com
