Love & Sex Magazine

Getting on the Same Page

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

Here’s an idea – how about starting 2012 on the same page with your spouse or partner?  You may be reading from the same book, but the chapters and pages can be vastly different. Pursuing common relationship goals is easier when needs and actions are shared and understood. This means being in sync.

Getting on the same pageIt’s so easy to talk with a partner and come away with a different interpretation of the same conversation. When this happens, both parties may end up feeling unfulfilled and frustrated. It’s like words flow out of mouths, but communication isn’t happening.

When we say we’re on the same page with another person, it means the views and definitions mesh as a starting point for discussion. They might not be the same views, but the two people involved know what is being discussed. This is the key to determining how the situation or problem will ultimately be resolved.

For example, if a wife wants her spouse to spend more time with the family, she will need to define what she means by family time.

Her husband might think being in the same room with the kids constitutes family time, even though he may be totally unresponsive to what is going on and is not interacting with the family in any way. He might think spending time with the family simply means a physical presence.

See the problem?

A spouse or partner making requests or considerations must be crystal clear about what they are asking. Confusion will always result when one partner makes an assumption.

This is particularly true when parenting, and is often a hot topic between moms and dads.

When one parent uses his or her value system to make a house rule and doesn’t share the reasoning for the rule with the other parent, frustration, confusion, and polarizing can occur.  

Confused? Here’s a familiar scenario:

Mom believes good grades and high academic achievement are most important for kids, thus she feels homework should come first for young Johnny. Dad, however, sees Johnny as the high school quarterback and thinks his son can get a generous football scholarship without good grades. Mom pushes studying while Dad pushes sports. Can you see where this is going? Mom and Dad aren’t on the same page as far as their child is concerned. They need to sit down and refine the art of compromise and find out what the other thinks and why. If they don’t do this, household arguments are sure to follow.

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