Love & Sex Magazine

Friends Or Lovers, Which Should Come First?

By Barbarajpeters @CouplesAuthor

We often hear of love at first sight being the most exciting, exhilarating way to meet, and perhaps that works for some, but growing romantic love from the bud of friendship can be just as romantically remarkable.

Friends or Lovers, Which Should Come First?Years ago when my daughter got married, I dedicated the song “That’s What Friends Are For” to the very happy couple.  My young daughter was one of the lucky ones – she actually did marry her best friend. They built a relationship as “go-to” pals and confidants years before their first kiss was shared.

In my couples counseling practice, I’ve found partners who were good friends first had a better chance of resolving difficulties later in their relationship. The base of friendship allows them to know each other in a different way, one that seems to encourage more acceptance and understanding.

Friends turned lovers start out by treating each other differently. Since chemistry isn’t strong at the beginning of their relationship, they are able to focus on other areas of relationship development:

  • Friends appreciate unqualified acceptance by the other, with no posturing or hidden agendas.
  • Friends develop compassion and trust, simply by leaning on each other in friendship.
  • Friends see the differences and quirks in their personalities as opportunities rather than problems.
  • Friends learn to disagree, or even fight with each other with no recrimination. 
  • Friends offer a soft place to land when things are tough.
  • Friends learn the art of listening without fixing.

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