Frau has lost her knickers.
This a very funny story about Frau who lost her knickers. I hope you enjoy this crazy happening.
As any hard and fast backpacker traveller will tell you, apart from seeing so many awesome and amazing countries, there is a host of incredible people you meet along the way. The Weirdos and the Wonderfuls the Nice and the Nasties, the Sociables and the Unsociable, the Well-Mannered and the Ill-Mannered, the Merrier and the Miserables, and so on and so forth.
Birgit Lösser a German lady staying at my hostel could be placed in both the categories of Weirdos and Miserables! Before I tell you about this strange woman, allow me to fill you in on the full picture of the hostel.
Bun Kao hostel is a perfect place to stay. Whenever I visit Siem Reap, I head to this super guest house where I can relax, chill and either enjoy the spectacular Angkor Wat or spend hours taking shots of the Tonle Sap lake with its awesome locals and breathtaking sunsets.
The owner of the hostel Mr Bun Kao is, in all honesty, one of the kindest, sweetest men you could ever wish to meet. He is so obliging it is almost to the point of subservient. Coupled with this, he's constantly smiling, in fact, I don't think I have ever seen him with a sour face. I might add he has the childish sense of humour for which the Cambodians are renowned. This amazing little man who measures about 4ft zero inches is truly adorable, and I love him to bits as do most of the other guests lodging here.
I met Birgit one evening when a group of us were about to leave the hostel for a bite to eat in one of the many delightful Khmer restaurants nearby. As I noticed that Birgit was very much on her own I naturally (foolish good Samaritan me) asked her if she would care to join us. Birgit assured me that she had eaten but would join us anyway, It was evident to see that she was delighted to have some company.
We found our designated restaurant, serving typical Khmer cuisine ..Cambodian Food (Using the Asian expression) is "Very Delicious" and cheap as or even cheaper than chips!!! We all ordered our preferred dishes barring Birgit who had already eaten so consequently limited herself to a glass of water! When the plates of mouthwatering mahop (Cambodian for Food) arrived, suffice to say we all had a little taste of each other eats Including Birgit!!! Who, wasn't hungry and had eaten!!!
Ana one of the girls in the group had ordered "Amok Fish" which is a very popular national dish in Cambodia, and every time I eat it, I delight in the wonderful flavours which includes one of my favourites which is fish. It is cooked in a thick and creamy coconut sauce, flavoured with a combination of spices, including saffron, lemongrass, and garlic, the sauce is called kroeung This delicious combination is wrapped up in a large banana leaf and served with plain white rice.
As the helpings were so enormous, Ana couldn't finish her excellent meal so reluctantly she had to leave it. It was then that we realised we had a vulture sitting on our table!... Birgit (Who wasn't hungry and. ) promptly grabbed Ana's dish and proceeded to devour every morsel down to the very last grain of rice!!! We were all flabbergasted! I mean really, this woman didn't know any of us from Adam, and there she was gorging on our leftovers! Because we are all beautiful, correct, polite and well-mannered people, we were in state shock and mutism! In other words, we were left darned speechless!
One would think that after that little episode I would have avoided the gannet Birgit like the plague, but believe me, much easier said than done! Just so you can see where I am coming from, let me describe Birgit!
Birgit is sixty-six. And as I mentioned before comes from Germany. She is a single lady and might I add that she has always been in the unwedded state, plus she has no children. Apparently, she got pregnant countless moons ago but decided that she wouldn't be a good mother, so that was the end of that! As she is a nurse, I can only assume that it wasn't a problem for her to solve her undesired situation. Without wanting to sound heartless, after I got to know her I did think that perhaps that unborn child should thank its lucky stars. Now Birgit is a very unattractive possible verging on an ugly woman and is also huge, and when I say big, I mean BIG. She did in the course of time inform me that she weighed 100 kilos.. which is about 15.74 stone. In fact, this sad lady doesn't have much going for her. Let us face it with a surname like Losser it is no surprise! Added to all this she is pretty much the "Eins, Zwei, Drei" and "Ve haf vays of making you tock" sort of person.Just to give you an idea, a very lovely lady from Turkey whose name was Ayla and also staying at our hostel, casually mentioned that she might accompany her to the temples, but then on reflection of what she was getting herself into, cancelled. Oh my sweet Lord, if you had heard Birgit the way she was carrying on, I felt sure that if there had been a gas chamber nearby, poor Ayla would have immediately been dispatched. Not nice at all!
Pigs on a Motorbike
The very next morning there she was sitting as large as life in the breakfast area. Noooo not Ayla! Frau Birgit in person! And where the heck do you think she was perched?. Yep! At my favourite table! Cautiously I took my place and hoped she wouldn't be too much of a pain and that she wouldn't start tucking into my breakfast! It seemed that this woman was on a very tight almost to strangling point budget. As a result, she was forever looking for the best deals and prices to go anywhere. On this particular morning, she started to question me on the cheapest way to get to the waterfalls. Now I go everywhere on a motorbike taxi, I love the fun of skirting in and out between the traffic, it is much quicker than a tuk-tuk and also far more economical. But when I mentioned the motorbike she gave me a horrified look. That was when she told me how much she weighed.. and added "Ow can I go on a motorcycle, I am too eavy. " I was on the point of telling her that a vast majority of Cambodians rode around with several live pigs tied on the back of their motorbikes, so didn't think she would have a problem... Fortunately I stopped myself in time, or perhaps I wouldn't be alive to write this blog..!!!
Big Knickers
The finale of Brigit came on her last day! Seemingly she had handed in some clothes to be laundered the day before. Well, there was Ayla and myself sitting in the main reception area minding our own business when Ze big lady herself comes stomping down the stairs with the biggest pair of black knickers in her hand! Flipping enormous. I assure you they were absolutely massive!! Well, Frau marches over to the reception to our lovely Mr Bun Kao, and frantically waving the offending bloomers in his face shouts, Zer eeez two of theeez missin ..Theezis a big problem!
At this point, I already see the funny side of the scenario! Can you get the picture? So I can't resist shouting out "Mr B K, Oh no.. have you stolen her knickers???" Ayla is nudging me and telling me to shut up and poor Mr B K is trying with all his might not to laugh. Brigit is so agitated and mad she seems totally unaware of my naughty jokes or perhaps she just chose to ignore me! The next thing is Mr B K comes out of reception with the smallest torch imaginable! Clearly, he is going to use it to search for the two missing humongous knickers!! I did call to Mr B K saying that instead of a mini light, he would need a dozen enormous spotlights or strobes to find them .. Birgit was still screaming zat it vood be a big problem if zey ver not found!
The only issue I could see was her actually possessing such offensive underwear. I am convinced that her bloomers were the root of all her sad and lonely days... To this day I still ask myself HOW could such humungous knickers get lost?
Oh, by the way, the horrendous panties were found. (Definitely NOT in some drop-dead gorgeous man's bedroom) So Birgit will continue to live unhappily ever after!
Long live gorgeous sexy underwear! I rest my case 
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