The release date for the iPhone 6, Apple’s latest iteration of its “must have” device, is approaching. The tech company is producing 70-80 million new phones to make sure they can meet the demand when it goes on sale this fall.
The hype over the new phone has started and rumors about its features are flooding the internet. But there is only one place on the net where you can find iPhone 6 rumors that are worth the paper they are printed on. You guessed it, Long Awkward Pause is your source for the best rumors on what you can expect when you reach the front of the line at the Apple Store.
1 – The iPhone 6 will be washable.
Where iPhones go to die (image by rrafson ccbysa3.0)
Unfortunately, this feature comes too late for my dearly departed iPhone 5s which met its maker while submerged in my favorite shorts during the agitate cycle of my washing machine.
2 – Red Light Texting
Text messaging while driving is so dangerous that is illegal just about everywhere. In places where it hasn’t been outlawed, it is just plain wrong, so don’t do it.
Innovative drivers have taken to text messaging at stop lights. The logic for this behavior is that these people believe they aren’t technically driving when they sit still in traffic. The rest of us know that stopping is part of driving and hate those of you who text and cause us to sit through an extra red light cycle.
Apple has added a feature that isolates and then magnifies the sound of a car horn to painful levels. This feature sits dormant unless the text feature is activated. This function, designed to punish stop light texters, “shouldn’t be a problem for those who text message where they should be texting – during important meetings” according to our source.
3 – The Kim Kardashian App
The Kim Kardashian: Hollywood app is rocketing to the top of Apple’s App Store sales chart. Recognizing the profit potential of draining the bank accounts of people who want to pretend they are OJ Simpson’s lawyer’s vapid daughter, Apple is including the Kim Kardashian app in the standard software of the iPhone 6 and is in negotiation to buy the company that developed the app.
Most of us will use the Kardashian app on our iPhones slightly less than we use the compass app.
4 – Insensitive Selfie Prevention
This could have been prevented, by technology or a tremendous overhanded dope slap. (image via selfiesatseriousplaces)
Apple’s user-facing camera made it easier for us to take self-portraits without using the bathroom mirror. The cell phone self-portrait has exploded in popularity. Unfortunately, selfies are not just for the self who takes them; a selfie is something to be shared.
Sometimes selfies aren’t a good thing. Some people have no concept of “time and place”. To assist the common sense impaired, the phone’s Global Positioning System will integrate with an extensive database of locations where smiling or duckface self portraits can only lead to trouble. If the phone detects that the self-facing camera is activated in, say, a funeral home or a WWII concentration camp it will display a message letting the phone’s owner know that a selfie isn’t a good choice in that location.
Soon, we’ll mark history not by decades or political milestones, but by iPhone release dates and the life altering functions of those wondrous devices. Remember that as time marches on, Long Awkward Pause is your best source for new iPhone rumors.
