I've been wanting to write this post for a long time but while there were many thoughts running the back of my mind, I didn't really know how to put them into words.
This year has been a challenging one for me, especially on a personal level. I'm not sure if it's the midlife crisis period or if it's just me struggling to find my sense of identity, self worth and wanting to do more with my life. On some days, I try my best to accomplish more, only to take a few steps backward and feel like a fool for making silly choices that lead me nowhere.
As for motherhood, well, it never gets easier and now that I have two teens in the house, one tween and one toddler to handle, I think my plate is is very full. I've no idea how fellow mums can juggle work and home because I'm so overwhelmed from just being a full-time mom who has to take care of the kids, hold the fort at home and has a whole list of chores waiting to be dealt with each day.
Some days, I feel so guilty for raising my voice, blowing my top or saying things that I regret and there are also the unbearable days when the kids say things that break my heart and make me feel like the worst mom ever. The thing about being a parent is that no matter how tough a day you might have faced, after crying your heart out, you still have to dry your tears, pick yourself up, hope to have learnt a lesson or two and then start afresh again the next day with renewed hope and positivity in your heart.
So I turned 41 in April and although I didn't have any wish other than for the people I love to be happy and healthy, I also knew I wanted to take steps to adjust my lifestyle, get rid of some bad habits, have a healthier sleep routine, try to be more patient and work harder to get myself to a better place than before. I also think it's high time for me to show myself more love because I think that's what's been lacking for me in the past years.
One of my resolutions for 2025 is to work out more, take more fitness classes or just head to the gym more often. Yes, I wanna become fitter and toner and a big part of it is because I still want to be strong and independent and not be a burden on the kids as I grow older. I wanna see them walking down the aisle, I wanna have the chance to experience being a grandma, I wanna see more of the world, I wanna grow old gracefully and make wiser choices as my hair becomes gray and my wrinkles appear.
In 2024, I signed up for Class Pass and made it a point to try out new exercises. So far, I've done aerial hammock, circuit training, yoga, HIIT, trampoline workouts, aerial hoop, zumba, went to gyms and am looking forward to explore more to find out what works for my body and what I enjoy doing.
On the part about seeing the world, I was glad to have done a mum-and-kids trip with the kids in November, even if it was just a short trip to Bintan. I will find time to write about our overseas trips slowly but surely so if you are keen to read more, you just have to stay tuned. Anyway, we went kayaking, tried snorkelling, took a boat to go on a mangrove tour and also saw fireflies at night too. It was a good retreat and one that I hope the kids will remember for a long time. I can't wait for the next trip already!
For the first time in a long time, there was a concert that I felt like I absolutely couldn't miss. Yup, it was Energy's concert and I've been following their updates, singing their songs, learning their dances ever since they made a comeback last year. I mean, because of me, my kids know a lot of their songs too! It's like how I've heard lots of Stray Kids' songs because of the girls' influence, haha.
So, I decided to splurge on myself and get tickets to go for their concert and it was made especially memorable because it was Asher's first concert too - yes, he also likes their songs! This was one of the rare times where I totally let loose and allow myself to enjoy, while leaving the toddler at home with the two teenagers, haha. Yes, the hubby was overseas at that time but my girls assured me that they could take care of Ansel and told me to just go for the concert that I was looking to for so long and not be worried. And so I did.
While I'm not a great chef nor do I really fancy whipping up a storm in the kitchen, I still want to have home cooked meals for the kids and that is my main motivation to go grocery shopping and come home to cook. Well, for the record, we also order takeaways and we dine out too, but every couple of days, I hope to have home cooked food on our dining table and that takes way more effort and sweat than it looks, but I wanna keep it going. Who knows, maybe one day soon, the kids can cook a whole meal for us too!
There are many things that I've been wanting to do but procrastination got the better of me on most days. This includes doing our travel videos, art and craft projects or even a drama series or movie that I've been wanting to watch. One of my resolutions is to stop leaving till tomorrow what I can achieve today. A project that I undertook at the end of last year was doing a personalised bead portrait of Ansel so that my collection is finally complete. Yup, each of these portraits is made of 3,600 beads and they have a special significance to me since the first one of Angel was done in Sweden, the place where I stepped into motherhood. So glad to have complete this and these portraits are now proudly displayed side by side in our living room. Yay!
On the day that I turned 41, I woke up and saw this cutie pie making ham and cheese soldiers for my breakfast. She kept saying that they looked terrible and how I wished I could make her understand that it is always the thought and gesture that matter more than the outcome. Yup, it was one of the nicest breakfast I've had and that was because it contained the one ingredient that money cannot buy - LOVE.
In the afternoon, my parents treated me to a buffet lunch before we made our way to their house for the caking cutting ceremony. As usual, my Dad bought me my favorite Coco Exotic cake and the kids love it too because it is so rich and chocolatey and yummy. The kids gave me their handmade cards and I hope they know how much each and every of these cards mean to me. I mean, I have kept all of them in a box from Day 1 and this is my treasure stash that will follow me till the day I'm gone. It's something that, again, money can't buy and these are the simple yet priceless things that matter to me in my life.
For dinner, we ate my favorite braised pork rice at Downstairs and it was such an economic yet delicious meal. Just to give ourselves a treat, we also went to get root beer float and curly fries, haha. Yes, the kids and I love A&W, don't you too? For me, I really don't think I will ever desire to try or even look forward to five-star hotel meals, omakase or having to wear formal clothes to dine at some fanciful restaurant. But to have a meal with my loved ones on my birthday and tuck into the food I love, even if it's just zi char at the kopitiam, I will be happy and contented already.
In the evening, we went to the beach for a stroll and then went to the park so that we could play at the playground. I went on the swing, I let the kids push me on the flying fox, I pushed them as fast as I could run too, and we just enjoyed each other's company, enjoyed the sea breeze, admire the horizon and felt the warm sun rays on our face before the sun set. That concluded my special day in the best way ever - simple times, lasting memories, happy me.
Yes, the tough days will continue to come and challenges will always lie in wait for us as we grow. Despite the name of my blog, I've never thought that life is a bed of roses and I've always known that it is full of ups and down. So is yours, so is mine.
We are all the same in more ways than one and if you are facing a bad day, please know that you are not alone. Always hold on to the hope in your heart because trust me, things will get better and the good days will come. And when they do, let's just make sure that we make the most of them and cherish the moments that will fuel us, be our motivation to go on, stay positive and never give up.
I'm hoping to write more and document more of our family life as well as my parenting thoughts in 2025. So thank you for reading and for being here all along, it means more to me than you will ever know. 42 is gonna be great, I know it and I can't wait to share more in the next birthday post!
