Life Coach Magazine

Forgive and Forget?

By Nicelise
Forgive and Forget?One of the risks of being in either a friendship or romantic relationship is the possibility of getting hurt. We take that risk all of the time, but don't regret it until after we've been hurt.
Whether it's a cheating boyfriend or a backstabbing friend, people we care about and put our trust in can sometimes hurt us. And sometimes we can hurt those people as well.
While the hurt and betrayal is painful and makes you question things in the past, the hardest part comes next: whether to forgive or not.
Some people have a much easier time forgiving others, and some people simply cannot forgive. Sometimes in the case of forgiveness, you get hurt so badly by that person that you just cannot forgive them. And sometimes you care too much about that person to not forgive them.
What happens after not forgiving is easy. You break up with them. You stop being friends with them. And some people think it's perfectly fine to seek revenge on that person.
But what happens after you forgive them? Do you go back to the way things were before? Can you? In my experiences, forgiveness has been handed out  but things never really went back to the way they were before. I was more cautious with that person and they no longer had my trust, whether they realized that or not.
But even though I forgave that person, did the fact that I didn't forget her betrayal mean that I hadn't truly forgiven her? I'm still not sure of that answer, probably because that person betrayed me a couple times after that initial forgiveness.
However, the following incidents didn't hurt as bad. I wasn't as shocked as the first time. It didn't phase me as much and I credit that to not forgetting the way that person treated me the first time it happened. But this still brings me back to the question that if you forgive but don't forget, are you not fully forgiving that person?
I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. If a boyfriend were to cheat on me, I think I would have a hard time forgiving that and an even harder time forgetting it. If two people have been married for many years and have children together, it could turn out extremely ugly, but forgiveness could eventually come into play.
But I truly think that if you let someone in to your life and heart and trust them, and they use things you revealed to them in confidence against you, if they prove many times that they don't have your best interest in mind and their actions prove that they care more about themselves than you...forgiveness is difficult though not an option for many. Forgetting it...impossible.
Forgetting how someone hurt you is a mistake. I think you learn from the good, the bad and the painful.
xoxo Nickie

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