Once upon a time we ate here when it was Khyber Afghan restaurant, which was actually pretty good. Sadly that’s no more. L’aragosta, the Italian restaurant a few doors down is also no more but now there’s a new Italian in place of Khyber called La Trattoria (with trattoria being the name given to a class of eateries that are less formal than a restaurant).
Inside
However no one was sitting inside either! There was only one other couple despite being lunchtime on a Saturday. We’d made a booking with a Groupon voucher (for pasta, pizza or risotto each) and were shown to a table near the open door…
menu
They don’t have a license so for drinks we went with coke and a very unbubbly soda water & lime – both £2.20.
Calamari £5.20
Thin, mildly crunching coating, some were a bit too rubbery. Tartare very mild but fine.
Bruschetta £3.90
The waiter failed the bruschetta pronunciation test, maybe he’s been in Glasgow too long or isn’t actually Italian.
Garlic bread topped with mushy tomatoes and dried herbs. The salad had been sitting out making this just OK.
We fancied carbonara, but it was listed as being made with cream on the menu (so British carbonara) and we were trying our best to eat “authentic” so we asked for meatballs instead but were told on ordering that they were sold out, and so we ordered lasagna instead…
Lasagna Al forno £8.50
…at least we think that’s what it was. Good things are supposed to come to those who wait and it took a while before this arrived but it looked similar to a soupy monstrosity we’d had in Qua years ago…
Thin sauce
And the meat has gone AWOL?
Watery thin tomato sauce, not even a hint of Bechemal and not very warm. We believe that talks between the pasta union and the restaurant broke down just before we arrived with much of the pasta walking out, possibly taking the meatballs and perhaps any form of meat with them…basically this was minimal layers of overcooked pasta with tomato sauce in between and trace amounts of mince around the outside. Finding the mince was like playing Where’s Wally.
Pizza alla Norma £8.90
Pizza alla Norma AKA Aubergine Pizza. I ordered this because I had fond memories of actual real aubergine pizza in Rome years ago. This was pre-cut thin crispy based and minimal pizza so we asked for both Parmesan and black pepper to actually make it look slightly appetizing (at least the Parmesan was grated at the table). Due to the sheer crispness of the pizza I somehow managed to push pizza crust go into the roof of my mouth, ouch!
It was cold and windy so we asked if the door could be closed and it was but 5 minutes later the door was open again so the waiter could clean it down with some window cleaner!
The radio was mostly playing modern pop rock crap but it was Italian – or certainly foreign so we did briefly feel like we were on our holidays and crap restaurants on holiday at least bring back happy nostalgic memories right?
Toilets spotless with recently bleach aroma. No WIFI.
TL;DR
+ radio made us feel like we were on holiday
+ clean toilets
– lifeless restaurant
– mediocre food
– slow service
– cold with that door open
– No WIFI
