Humor Magazine


By Themightyf @themightyfblog

An excerpt from a new show we’re pitching to A & E called Flossing: Scared Straight.

<Cut to a middle-aged man with bad teeth, addressing a group of troubled youngsters>

Y’all just take a seat right over there. I wanna talk about your teeth.

I used to be just like you. Cruisin’ through life, not thinking about my teeth. Sure, I knew in the back of my mind it was wrong to not floss; I had seen the commercials and whatnot. Momma always told me it was important. I suppose I knew there would be consequences one day.  But I didn’t care; I was young and invincible, right?

<really starts yelling and getting into frightened kids’ faces> Look at me! Look at me now! You don’t want to be like me! Bleeding gums, needing a prescription mouthwash and a special toothbrush…

You think this is funny? Advanced stage gingivitis homey!

Listen, y’all. I see a lot of nasty snaggleteeth here today. I bet not one of you has flossed in the past month. <gets into one kid’s face in particular> I know you haven’t. Have you? Have you, Hollister T-shirt?

‘No sir.’

Man, they don’t even know! You talk to them.

<Middle-aged man kicks it over to a younger man, also with bad teeth but a kinder disposition>

Look, we understand it’s rough out there. It’s not easy to be responsible, what with all the junk food and having to remember to really get in there with that floss. But I’m here to tell you it’s important. Don’t be like us. It’s not too late for you.

You think you’re hard, you think you’re tough – you’re not. Son, you are no match for plaque and tartar! You wouldn’t believe how much stuff is in between all those teeth!

Sonny, show them the pictures!

<Another guy passes around gross pictures of bad teeth>

Is this what you want your mouth to look like? I didn’t think so.

Now we’re passing around toothbrushes and floss for everyone, which you WILL use every day. Understood? Good.

Now I better not see any of you again. I better not see you down at the periodontist office, needing some kind of terrible mouth surgery because you kept actin’ the fool, not flossing and not getting your yearly cleanings.

I don’t want to see any of y’alls faces again unless it’s on an ORAL-B commercial!

<Cut to interviews with the kids, several months later>

“I’m glad I was on the show, even though it was really gross. I don’t want to end up like those guys, so I’ve been flossing pretty much every day…” Etc. etc.

<Flash updates of all the kids’ current dental situations, highlighting those who have really turned their lives around… roll the credits>

*Credit goes to Sweet T for this excellent idea!

Filed under: F Commentary, Film, F Entertainment Tagged: A & E, entertainment, health, Scared Straight, television, tv

Back to Featured Articles on Logo Paperblog