Humor Magazine

Five Winter Olympic Events That Got Cut At Sochi

By Christopher De Voss @chrisdevoss

Whether your favorite Winter Olympic event is the Luge…


Figure Skating…


or that one event with the skis and the guns that no one knows the name of…


…at every Olympics there are a few events that don’t quite fit into the gaming spirit.

Long Awkward Pause was able to obtain a list of this year’s cuts that were rejected by the Sochi Olympic Committee:

1) Competitive Snow Angel Making


Shown here is Co-ed Competitive Snow Angel Making. Olympic hopeful’s Bjoin Njukski and Fletis Jackenhimmer demonstrating the very synchronized and very difficult classic Snow Christmas Angel. Other types of angels that traditionally score high points are the Cherub, the Cupid, and the Victoria Secret.

2) Lesbian Sledding


We all know the controversy surrounding the issues of homophobia that the Russian Government has, so it was no surprise this event got the immediate ax, despite the signed petition of a million 13 year old boys.

3) The Sumo Ski Jump

It isn't over till the fat sumo man skis.

Is there is no better idea than launching a 500 pound man 15 feet into the air on wooden skis? No…no there is not we say. However the Russians were put off by…and we quote…”by those large wedgie diapers those fat guys wear.”

4) Olympic Arm Pit Diving


All though this sport has been around since the 1800′s, the Sochi Olympic Committee was confused by it’s scoring. They found it hard to calculate the complex system of measuring armpit hair vs. diving form in order to score points. 

5) Men’s Outdoor Strip Poker


Although you will not see this event anywhere in the Olympic program, if you can find Vladimir Boirsh on the corner of Putin Lane and Rasputin Street, you can get into a pick up game for approximately 678,000 rubles or 20 dollars US.


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