The definitions of romance are varied and differ according to male and female interpretations. As a couple’s counselor, I often hear this cry from both men and women – “But I don’t know how to be romantic!”
Certainly there had to be romance early in these relationships. What happened?
Wikipedia has this to say . . . “Romance is the pleasurable feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love.” Focus on the words pleasurable, excitement, and mystery. Who wouldn’t want to experience those heady emotions?
So how does relationship romance evaporate, allowing the blahs to take its place? Five culprits might be stealing your relationship’s pleasure, excitement and mystery.
1. Not expressing love and affection. Often partners get accustomed to thinking wonderful things about the other, but don’t share those thoughts. Remember when you were falling in love and romantic words flowed? Try them again and openly speak of your affection.
2. Not making time for each other. Mundane and simple tasks (grocery shopping) along with important and critical tasks (child rearing) fill our days. Often I suggest going out on a date with your partner. The most common excuse that comes back to me is, “We don’t have time to go out on a date!” Look at your time management, and then get creative to find ways to enjoy each other.
3. Not doing little things to please your partner. Remember when you sent cards, bought flowers, texted thoughts, paid compliments, hugged with passion, and blew kisses across a crowded room? Why did you stop? Did you fall into the trap of taking your relationship for granted, assuming it would last the test of time without any effort? Reframe that idea and realize romance needs your involvement.
4. Not having your own interests and actively pursuing them. Being needy, clingy and constantly following your partner’s lead can be unattractive and unhealthy for you relationship. When dating you had things to talk about and share. You brought a self-confident and interesting person into another’s life. You were a bit mysterious and exciting. Find that again and see how romance grows and strengths your relationships.
5. Not keeping an attractive physical appearance. Dress and groom each day to please your partner. Remember, girls, when you were going on a date how important it was to pick the right outfit and a neat hairstyle? And guys, didn’t you put on your best clothes also? Be as concerned now about your looks and style as you did when you were dating. You’ll be happier inside, and your partner will be proud of you for looking so good!
The bottom line: romance takes work; it doesn’t float in on a billowy cloud. If you want to keep your lover’s heart on fire and enjoy a relationship that smolders, put forth the effort it takes to make it happen.
