Why am I still here? Why is there no movement? Why do I still feel stuck 5 months later?
I ask these questions almost daily. I ask for guidance, for peace, for wisdom.
And still it doesn't come.
Still I'm here, feeling like I'm in quicksand and each movement drags me down further.
I'm fighting battles that have long since expired and am struggling with wounds that have scabbed over but are not yet clean.
“Lauren, remember those words that pierced your heart so intenesely just a month ago?
'Wounds must be clean in order to heal properly.'
Clean those wounds & I'll provide you with the wisdom, the guidance, & the peace you so desperately crave.
Clean those wounds & forward movement will come.
Lean into it, dear daughter. Lean into the knife and let me make you well.”
Yes Lord. For too long I've avoided it.
Let me feel the stinging of the disinfectant, God. Let me feel that pain... maybe it will be fleeting, maybe it will last a while... but either way I know that I'm no longer trying to numb it with destructive things, but that instead I'm getting clean.
With that will come perspective, discernment, & peace. Right?
I have hope that it is so.
