Guest post by amazing mommy friend GennyHeikka
If you’re a mom, you know that parenting can be chaotic, stressful, and complicated. There are temper tantrums and sibling squabbles. There is self-doubt and frustration, even fear and uncertainty. But there is also laughter and love… and, yes, even bliss.
So how do we find that bliss on the days filled with stress or frustration?
Sometimes, the way to experiencing mommy bliss can be as simple as learning to laugh at things you might not find funny at first (because parenting is full of those things!), and learning to cry when you need to (because you are worth it). Here are some tips.
Laugh:
-Create fun and playful moments with your kids. Instead of saying, “Not now,” when they ask you to play with them today, try saying yes instead. Do things you wouldn’t normally do: Let your kids build a fort in the living room and leave it up for a few days. Take a walk to the park when it’s past their bedtime. Make a surprise stop for a treat. Once you start intentionally creating fun moments with your kids, it starts to become a happy habit.
-Laugh at those otherwise not-so-funny moments. A few years ago, I was having one of those nights (I was at that delirious mommy breaking point where you are either going to burst into laughter or tears at any second) when my daughter called from her bedroom on our phone intercom and asked me to cook her bacon as a bedtime snack. (It was 9 p.m. and she was serious!) I couldn’t believe it. Luckily, I started cracking up (instead of bawling). I laughed, then she laughed, and we both ended up laughing so hard we couldn’t stop. I could have gotten angry; instead, it ended up being a funny memory we still talk about today.
Cry:
Moms are experts at just dealing, right? We’re pros at delaying stress relief. But in the same way it’s impossible to keep a teapot from eventually whistling to let off steam, we moms need to find ways to turn down the heat and get relief from all that pressure. Crying can help; it not only releases toxins, it also releases stress hormones. But crying isn’t just about tears; it can also be very much about strength, healing, and acknowledging your feelings.
-Cry for you. Being a mom can remind you of when you were a child. When your daughter turns eight, you remember when you were eight. When your son gets his first pet, you remember yours. Some childhood memories are good. But others are not so good. It’s these hurts (if unresolved) that can affect your parenting today. “Struggling with the past can prevent you from experiencing joy as a mom in the present,” says Laura Faudree, MFT and Director of the Soul Care Center at Bridgeway Church in California. So what’s a mom to do? “Give yourself permission to acknowledge and accept your feelings because they’re real and legitimate,” says Faudree. “When you do that, you’re able to accept your children’s ranges of emotions as legitimate too, and you’re able to accept them for who they are, and not who you want them to be.” When we acknowledge and work through our own feelings as moms, we become healthier and happier, and so do our kids.
Cry for help. “Do you need anything?” my friend asked me one time when my husband was away traveling. Our daughter was about a month old and I was adjusting to life with a newborn and navigating the week as a single mom. My friend had called to check on me. I looked around the room—at my daughter squirming in her bouncy seat ready for another feeding, at the pile of laundry on the floor needing to be folded, at the kitchen that I still hadn’t cleaned—and I said… “No, I’m fine.” Since then, I’ve gotten better at accepting help when I need it. And it’s a good thing. Because when we’re reluctant to ask for help or accept it, nobody benefits. We get stressed, and so do our kids. Asking for help, or accepting it when it’s offered, especially during times we might need it the most (when a new baby is born, a child is sick, we are sick, or a spouse is traveling), can make all the difference on the bliss scale!
Want to read more tips on finding happiness as a mom? Download Genny’s new book Finding Mommy Bliss! It is available now in the new, free Snippet app in the app store here: http://appstore.com/snippetapp. Find out more about Genny at gennyheikka.com and connect with her on twitter@GennyHeikka.
