The background
Oh, you haven’t heard of it? There’s this novel called, er, Fifty Shades of Grey by E L James, which started out as fan-fiction and ended up selling more hard (ahem) copies than Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code. It’s a sado-masochistic fantasy that people are lapping up, and which has spawned (ahem again) more imitators than Elvis Presley.
So you’d like to do it too, huh? Well now you’re in for a chance. Scoped Out brings to you the Fifty Shades Generator! The website calls itself a “breakthrough in erotic fiction.”
“Fledgling authors! Spice up your otherwise lacklustre novel with graphic sex scenes guaranteed to get your readers hot under the collar, and slightly sick in their mouths. If you end up winning a big literary award, we’ll split the prize money 50/50, yeah?” say the site’s creators.
Here’s a sample of what the generator can do: “I thought it was over but his all-beef thermometer had other ideas. The seemingly never-ending streams of Da Vinci load emanating from his skeleton king soon had me coated like a plasterer’s radio.”
Plaudits on the site include:
“I’m not sure whether to be aroused or appalled.”
“Disgusting, repugnant, horrid, sick, filth…”
“Dear lord, why? WHY?!”
“My wife had to leave the room”
Here are some choice randomly-generated quotes
“I began sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish shop.”
“By now, my one slice toaster was flowing like there was a midget inside me with a super soaker.”
“It was bliss having his spam javelin plunged inside me again.”
“The sensation of his blood-engorged mayonnaise cannon smashing my cervix made me quake like Micheal J. Fox licking a car battery.”
