Religion Magazine
this post has made big waves in the frum community...
translation after the post (thanks Ben Waxman for the translation)
Translation:
A dramatic post
I will begin by saying that I have no problem with God himself, my problem is with everything that surrounds him. All the politics and the carnival and the smallness of the mind and the hallucinations and the magnanimity and the sense of importance of most of his faithful messengers and myself. With a life full of meetings and lessons and students and sacrifices and respect but without joy and excitement and faith and purpose, I almost broke down, but then God heard my prayer and redeemed me and my greatness.
So for those who are not up to date, I will say that I recently removed any external religious characteristics, not in order to deny or defy any person or sector as a sector. I just ran out of time. And I realized that for me to continue to take part in it, I needed blind faith, and I no longer had one. I've run out of money.
I will note that I was spiritual enough to believe that a hard life plus a complex and sick soul like mine can win me an entrance ticket to heaven, because Puma Zara Agra. I was already a Buddhist and I was a Christian and even a Shinto I learned, but when my soul finally woke up and I returned home to Judaism's embracing embrace, I turned from a talented child looking for meaning to a righteous and just Jew, devoid of self-opinion, gluten-free and especially lacking basic abilities to get along in the dangerous world God created For us to fail. I became a phlegmatic under the auspices of Judaism, beating himself to the point of bloodshed at night, consumed with self-hatred and feelings of inferiority in front of his servants, who are well-directed with the exact accent and the correct surname. Because if Satan wears Prada then sure God wears Streimel, does not he?
Twenty-five years is too long not to report to myself on the cruise. I was willing to die for the sanctification of God, but unfortunately no one asked me for it. It took me time to question and ask how it is that all that God wants of me is that I turn myself into a borderline personality, stripped of holiness and purity and punctuality and a reversal to the Supreme and a comparison of this form and that. What remains there at the end of all layers and clothes and covers and hiding and lying about lies about lies that sustain entire communities. I once thought that a hidden secret was hidden there, today I know there is nothing but money and honor and money and honor and nothing more. A thousand voices are talking in my head. Moses, Rebbe Nachman, Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, the Baal Shem Tov and all sixty of his disciples, the Tannaim, the Amoraim, the first and last Gevonim, all speak the words of wisdom and knowledge. But I have long been unable to hear myself.
I admit that I never had blind faith, I was disguised as a blind faith because that is what I understood was required of a holy Jew. I had a career in being blind and innocent and learned and wise and righteous. I left everything I had and moved to a new and fascinating sector that vomited me and my children in disgust, as if we were sticky plastic lumps, and for this they are given my sincere thanks, who knows what would have beenfall us if we had been assimilated in them, To be rescued.
Sometimes I feel that all this distant kiruv is just an excuse, one big show. Exciting, sweeping, well-produced, box-breaking, but a show. Who is far and where are they bringing him closer? And who can even open here and testify that he knows who is far and who is close. And of course I do not claim to claim that the Torah is a lie and that God does not exist. I only claim that I am not personally a reliable source to rely on, and my real truth is that I do not know. Really do not know. The sages have already said, "teach your tongue to say, I do not know," and it took me a quarter of a century to learn it, a little slow and still much faster than most of the rabbis, the influential and the great repentants you and I know who know.
I have a lot to say about the sector I have decided to leave and the hallucinatory secret mutations he is raising, but I will leave my tongue tied to the threshing and only say that I have finally understood that they and I do not believe in the same God and had to do something beautiful one hour earlier.
I know that many of you are deeply disappointed in me. I want to ask you to forgive me that I am still alive and kicking. It is not personal against you. I must continue my journey. I wish all of us a good and exhausting life.
Photo: Kobi Kalmanovitz
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