Sound like a great movie description on Netflix? Well it’s real life this week here in North Cackalacky (North Carolina). If you’re from somewhere other than here, I know you have seen us on the news. We are the ones showing up in video and pictures with people fighting in gas lines and spitting on each other. We also fill tons of Tupperware containers, Ziploc bags and as many gas cans as possible because we are having a gas shortage. We are apparently savages preparing for the end of the world. By the way, is the government paying the ransom on the lockdown of the southern gas pipeline here on the east coast? Apparently some Russian Techie Gang is going around and locking big businesses out of their on-off switches on everything and sending ransom notices to get back into our much needed “stuff”. And no one knows who they are to stop them but they “know” it’s some Russian Gang. Did the gas companies even try unplugging it and plugging it back in again?
We are also kinda, sorta still wearing masks even after we have been vaccinated for Covid. CDC says one thing, President says another thing and our Governor can’t figure out what to do either. So I guess we sorta flip a coin before going into a store or business to see if we need to mask up or not. We walk around looking completely confused but camera ready in case a news teams show up to do a story. We are starting to look more and more like the beginning of a spin-off on The Walking Dead series. Hopefully I can get in shape like Michonne and learn to use a sword so I can be a badass in the new show. Or maybe I’ll be one of the chubby actors that people are always wondering, “Why isn’t she skinny yet if they have no food and it’s been a whole season of this show”? And “where are they finding all this gas?
But the real clue to the impending dystopia, is the rising up of the locusts from the depths of underground hell. I remember as a kid when they rose up and chirped all day into the night and you had to yell over them if you were outside. The noise was deafening and scary! The news keeps saying it will happen any day now. So from then they will destroy all the farms and harass all the livestock and scare children into staying inside and doing online school again. You can’t get scarier than that.
I’m not making any of this up. All the truth, 100%. Our government can’t save us and we are on our own until we quit screwing up the world and start fixing stuff. Have you purchased all your bitcoin yet? And you better get right with the Lord! It’s going to be Armageddon at least through the summer Y’all. But Be Kind. You never know what someone is going through.
Please remember this is just sarcasm and dark humor. No need to get rowdy in the comment section. Peace, Love and Margaritas Y’all!
