If there is one time of the year when everyone should flirt with being a teensy little more poly than usual, then Summer is that time.
Sadly, I think my flirt muscle is broken. I’ve noticed that I keep friend-zoning myself in every remotely flirtatious conversation I get into.
Like tonight, for example. I was at a barbecue (these normally aren’t my thing, since I’m vegetarian, but it was raising money for a good cause), and this really cute guy just kept coming up to me and, well, flirting with me. We would dance together, chat, say a few funny things and then- I would freeze up! I just did not know where to take the conversation from there!
Apparently, I have forgotten how to flirt. This is ironic, given that the last post I wrote was called ‘Forever Flirtatious’.
Well, I’m not going to fight it. Internally, I have been processing some deep old wounds and fear and pain from long ago- so long ago I wonder sometimes if it might actually be some past life. And when we need to heal, we gotta give ourselves the time to heal. Healing time is not a time to be going out and distracting one’s self on the lips of random strangers. Well, that might be nice. It is possible it could help with the healing. But if that is the intention right at the out-set, that just doesn’t seem all that healthy to me.
So, what to do?
With both Orion and I going through our own individual healing journeys right now, it makes sense for us to spend some time apart. Consciously. I don’t know how this will work, given that we live only a few blocks from each other. It is tempting to text one another when there’s extra yam fries that need eating, or a good movie to be watched. But, we hang out far too much and I think it is possible we both get a little too comfortable with the reliability of that. Variety is good, and it’s not like our friendship will suffer from not seeing each other for a while. I have already been making an effort to spend more time with my other friends, and so this is a natural progression. The agreement is: two weeks of no hanging out together, and then- a date. Like, a proper Date.
And in the meantime?
I want to expand my friendship circle, and invest more time with the new friends and amazing and inspiring people I have met in the last few months. I thrive on variety, and am creatively stimulated by it, so I’m going to invite that back in to my life through conscious actions: making more friend-dates at the beach, going for lunch, tea, etc. Maybe host a clothing swap. And heck, meet new people too! Take myself out dancing on Me-Dates and dare to talk to strangers! Maybe even re-open my okcupid account?
What this boils down to is quite simple: I feel like I’ve fallen out of my love affair with the universe, and it is time to rediscover that passion.
Being in love with the Universe, at its core, is the realization that you always have permission to expand the definition of you are. And we expand through new experiences, through variety, through risks both gentle and extreme, and most of all, by loving ourselves enough to give ourselves permission to redefine how we think of who we are and how we choose to relate to the world around us, and all the fabulous the people in it.
Time to expand my definition of Me.
