Humor Magazine

Drive-by Snarks

By Thefriskyvirgin
Snarks--Those nasty little backhanded comments shot over the net and into your face when you least expect them. Sometimes they're coated with a dusting of brown sugar; other times they are smacking in your face like bug guts on a windshield.
Being single predisposes us to snarks from a certain kind of married and/or relationship person. You know the kind I'm talking about--they are akin to the now grown-up bullies we knew in high school.
Behold the snarks:
The I'm-Too-Busy-For-Business-Married-Woman: "I completely appreciate that you may not understand what all this means, but I have a toddler, an infant, and a husband to take care of."  Um, I simply requested a business document.
The Make-Fun-Of-Older-Singles-Younger-Woman: "You must watch a lot of Bridget Jones." Yes, I love watching the plights of our favorite 30-something singleton but, good grief, I don't sit around and watch it on a loop.  My comeback? "No, but I have watched a helluva lot of Buffy." Very effective comeback. Note to single women: When faced with a "you must watch" snark, select a strong, wouldn't-want-to-mess-with, kick-a** heroine.
The Single-Attention-Seeking-Woman: "I can get any man, anytime, anyplace. Take it from me, just use your back. It's about time, don't you think?"  She undoubtedly gets the men, although keeping them is an entirely different matter.
The Happily-Ever-After-And-Now-Out-To-Make-All-Single-People-Suffer-Woman: "I'm so glad I'm not single anymore. Being with someone is like finally feeling alive, like I can breathe at last." Uh-huh. Can't you just hear the dang cartoon birds tweeting all around her while tying ribbons in her hair? Ugh. In my world, those birds aren't tying bows...they're dive-bombing.

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