I found the blog of neuropsychologist Marsha Lucas, who wrote that teaching your baby to read is missing the point of what it means to be a good parent.
She writes,
Most often, the bottom-line reason people find their way to my psychotherapy practice is because of relationship issues—struggling marriages, unsuccessful dating, lousy relationships with family and/or coworkers—and of course, their relationships with themselves are also frequently out of whack. Much of this shows up as depression and anxiety.
Rest assured that all of them can read very, very well. I work in Washington, DC, not far from the White House, and none of the patients I see are wanting for intellectual development; almost all of them are highly educated and exceptionally successful in their careers.
It’s the “other stuff” of life that eludes them—loving and being loved, balancing their lives, managing their emotions, living a life of meaning and depth.
She continues later,
The most important task of early childhood is experiencing a healthy, secure attachment in which the child’s caregivers are attuned to the child’s inner state and respond in a contingent manner.
Let me say that again. What kids need from the get-go is a parent who “gets” them, who pays attention to what’s going on inside them, and who responds to them in a way that’s actually related to what the kid is feeling.
* * *
I can sense a lot of heads nodding out there. It’s pretty easy to get people to agree that dialing into the emotional needs of your infant, toddler, and pre-teen is critical. Parents looking for a school that will be sensitive to the social-emotional needs of their pre-school or elementary school kids can usually find what they’re looking for.
But somehow, we’ve come to accept the notion that once kids hit middle school, the time for all that coddling is over. It’s serious business now. So open up your textbooks, and let’s starting learning about the rivers of Mesopotamia. If that doesn’t work for you, we’ve reserved a seat in detention with your name on it.
Am I the only one who remembers the wild emotional roller coaster of those middle school years?
* * *
Dr. Lucas closes her essay with this: “Bottom line: If you want to give your children an advantage in life, tune in to them.”
That, of course, goes for middle- and high-school kids as well. Because all the academic training in the world does not substitute for a healthy sense of self and the ability to engage in community. For kids who don’t get this solid foundation in their teens years, they might hit their 20’s or 30’s and find there’s a seat in a therapist’s office with their name on it.
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