I was first introduced to the world of self-development and personal growth when I was 16 years old. One of our family friends, who is like an older sister to me, gave me the book “The Secret” and told me to read it. I kept asking her what it was about, but she told me I would have to find out for myself.
And so I soaked in every page of that book into my mind and it showed me a different way of looking at life.
I have always been inclined to the mystical aspects of life, even as a young girl. I’ve always been a seeker, always philosophical, always a writer, but always unfocused.
I read “The Secret” and I knew I had the key to another dimension of life that I had never accessed before. The law of attraction – wow, is that for real?
Manifesting cups of coffee
And yes, it was very real! And I spent the next couple of years experimenting with it and manifesting free cups of coffee (what else is a 16 year old me to manifest?)
I don’t say this in jest. I do recall a particular afternoon where I walked into my local coffeeshop with the goal of manifesting my favorite drink to me. And sure enough, the barista came to my table by the window and said “We got an order wrong and I’ve made an extra caramel machiatto – would you like it?”
The universe cares about what kind of coffee I want?! The universe listens – I was sure of it.
I wish I could recall all the things I brought to life, and into my life – all the things I manifested. for there were many, some big, some small – and all of it was like magic to me. I not only believed in the law of attraction – I knew it to be absolutely true. And I couldn’t help but think – if only everyone just knew how to do this, we could have anything we wanted!
I spent my all my free time grazing through the self-help sections of bookstores, and saturating my mind with concepts centered around personal growth. It wasn’t long before I came across a new exercise that seemed to be widely practiced by the self-development community – positive affirmations.
I adopted that as my new “thing” to try. I started peppering my day with positive affirmations. In the morning when I woke up, before I went to school, in the shower, before bed, I would write some in my diary. I heard a little bit about “visualization” too, and so I started doing guided visualization meditations every night where I would see myself in beautiful flowery meadows and climbing up and down staircases, talking to my spirit guides etc.
A change of heart and a new direction
Over the next few years, as “new age spirituality” became more trendy and popularized, I couldn’t help but feel differently about these little practices I was following. I knew for sure that I wanted to live in a way that has deep appreciation for the magical and subtle aspects of life, but I couldn’t help but find the premise of new-age spirituality to be rather self indulgent. There was so much focus on just feeling good about yourself and life, but does that really make you good? And what is good anyway?
I also must admit that I found aspects of this “positive thinking” to be insidiously delusional – building up only a lofty idea of myself. But I want truth. Not to feel good about myself. I want truth.
I am sure the very concept of spirituality for many is, by its very nature a little fluffy and woo woo. But that wasn’t the spirituality I was interested in. I wanted something concrete and real and truthfully, I wasn’t sure if I could find that in spirituality. I’m a scientist at heart. And I am not one to believe something because it sounds whimsical and pleasant. I need proof. I need to know that it works. I don’t want to waste my time. I don’t want to believe, I want to know.
And so I abandoned many of my positive affirmations, my daydreamy visualization meditations, and law of attraction practices. I stopped manifesting cups of coffee.
I set forth in search for something different. My lessons in spirituality definitely took some dark turns, where I experimented and adopted “beliefs” that I no longer believe in, and I no longer believe serve my highest purpose or the world. Many of these lessons are still here, on my blog, if you search back far enough. I constantly wrestle with wanting to delete them because I find them just so wrong now, but I remind myself that it was also part of my journey, and just as I went through that to get to where I am now, maybe someone else will also use that as a stepping block. And who knows if one day I will look at where I am right now in terms of understanding and shudder. Probably.
“GROWTH!” I tell myself. And onwards.
So is mastering the LOA worth it now?
Anyways, this post is not intended to breakdown popularized spirituality. One thing I have learned in life is that it is better to share what works instead what does not. So let me tell you what works for me now.
As the years have passed, I am 28 now. I’ve unearthed a lot about life and myself in the last few years, with still a lot more to go. And in some ways, I feel like life has come full circle and I find myself back where I started – but these days I revisit visualization and affirmations in a slightly different way.
Visualization works. Affirmations work. The law of attraction works. But in my experiences I have come to understand there is more to it than making a vision board of magazine cutouts of an island in the Bahamas + telling myself I am smart and beautiful when I look in the mirror in the morning, which is what I used to do.
It is a powerful and potent practice, that when done with a certain level of awareness, can be used to completely change and revolutionize your life.
In my next post, I’ll share with you what works for me when it comes to using the law of attraction on a day to day basis, along with a step by step guide for a powerful visualization process I do daily.
I would love to know – have you experienced the law of attraction at play in your life?
Till next time, friends.
Malavika xo
