Diaries Magazine

Do You Reconcile Or Do You Not?

By Jfay1995
When a man and a woman get married of course they hope that it is forever and they take their vows seriously.  But the fact is that it doesn't always end up like that in today's world.  It also happened years ago, but it was hush hush and divorce and separation really weren't approved of as much back then.  Times have surely changed where in today's society the idea of marriage is becoming a dying thing.
Well, not to all.  There are still a majority of people that really do believe in a marriage and forever. It hasn't disappeared and there are millions of us who want to believe in it.  Yet, now people really give up way too soon and don't believe that it is worth the effort.
I am separated, have been for close to four years, and of course dated and had a boyfriend for a year.  And that's done.  I have a good relationship with my ex husband, and yes from time to time I have wondered to myself if it could be possible for reconciliation.  But it's really in the back of my mind, and would be surprised if it ever happened and would cross that bridge if it ever came.  But, we really just take every moment as it comes.
Here are my opinions about people reconciliating though.  I think there could be good things and possibly some bad.  It would just depend on the situation and who the couple is.
Say you both just decided to call it quits, right and you just always wanted to know if you could get back together again.  It really has to be up to both parties.  Both the man and the woman have to want it.  That's a given.  A reconciliation should never be forced. 
Before you do go for restoration though, you really have to think about all the things that happened between you and your partner and make a mental list of all the good things and all the bad.  Think about them and decide which list is longer.  Also maybe make a checklist of the bad things that you would be okay with living with, because if you choose to resume your relationship where you left off, chances are those things can still be there.
Also make sure that the other half has changed for the better and not for the worse.  Don't just let someone back in if you don't think you see a sign that he is a new man or she is the woman who seems like she has a new head on her shoulders.  She might not, and there could be some stitching loose up there and the man might have a hold somewhere that all those flaws you know so well have been stuffed inside where you don't see them and he will pull them out again when you are not looking and you will fall into the trap again.
The good things about reconciliation would be thinking of all the good times that you shared and can there be a possibility of having that again?  Some people are willing to take a chance and see if they can get past all the obstacles that got in their way in hopes that they can get back what they had and also to gain new memories.  As perhaps they did love each other once and they can find it in their hearts to get it back again.
It's possible and it can be great when they want to find restoration.  Some couples also do this for their children as they want a perfectly happy family once more.  Not that you can't be a happy family when you are separated or divorced as we all know that we can also have perfectly happy lives with our children that is separate from the man we married or the man we were living with. 
Like I said, it won't work for every couple.  For some there is too much water under the bridge, trust broken, broken dreams and you can't go back.
Just think of all aspects before you take the leap back in time.  Make sure it is going to work for you in the present moment in your life.  Look at all angles and decide if you want your life to change again. 
Or do you just feel that you want to completely move on and start fresh with someone new?  That is perfectly fine too.  It just all depends partly on chance, who you are with at the present time and what is going to be right for you, as you are the one who needs to make the ultimate decision.
And for me, I am perfectly happy with mine being my friend and the father of my children.  That is fine with me and yes, a possibility.  But my feeling is that, if it happens it will and if not, that is the way God wanted it. 
There may be a new man out there patiently waiting for me and there will be one for you too.  Everyone just needs to believe that time decides all things and where our heart lands is where it will be.  I'll never say that is where it will stay forever, but where it lands you will know.
We are all like a feather in the wind, you just do not know where life will take you, the cards you get dealt with.  We have a purpose here on earth and it is only up to each and every one of us to find that and make it work for us.
Jennifer Jo Fay
Copyrighted October 14, 2012
Do You Reconcile or Do You Not?

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