Laundry. Ohhhh Laundry. It’s one of those things… it doesn’t matter how fast you clean it… it just keeps coming back.
Like Ground Hog day.
Bastard.
Laundry has nasty laundry sex; multiplies and spawns dirty laundry babies. Constantly.
It has dirty, unprotected laundry sex with oodles of grime and dirt. Gross.
Laundry causes good people to drop bad f-bombs {under their breath.} Or out loud. Both work for me. How about you?
When laundry starts to overflow out of the basket ~ all hell can break loose.
That…my friends, is an official laundry mountain. Welcome to my world. And I want out.
STAT.
For the record… I want a glass of wine on the way out. Because I like to be entertained while running away from laundry.
Kids. Oh kids.
When laundry calls my name… and I want to call back to it: efffffff OFF
I have better things to do. Like eat milk duds.
Laundry is boring. Blah blah blah boring, don’tcha think?
Until now.
There is only one advantage to doing laundry.
The money in the pockets.
I have four kids, a dog, a hubby (aka another kid) and three barn cats that think they rule the treehouse. Have you ever tried to tell a cat what to do? It doesn’t work.
My laundry life :
And you think I joke. LOL. Not this time. hahahaha.
I normally find rocks, twigs, frogs, bubble gum and iPods in the laundry. Yes. I wash those too. Like an idiot.
Let’s get to the money part. That’s the best part.
Pay attention now. This is important. It is important for every soul on earth to have a stash of cash. Do I need to scream those words or bang on my computer keys with CAPS LOCK? Don’t make me do the nasty caps lock.
Rainy day cash is where it's at.
Rainy day cash = splurge money.
Splurge money = anything you wouldn’t normally buy. Like ever. Until now.
With a stash, the impossible becomes possible.
Make a goal. A money goal. What do you want to do or buy ? Pick something that you would never ever never…Taylor Swift never ever never ….buy or do. Visualize it.
Your laundry money is going to make it happen for you.
You’re welcome.
Mix it. It’s d’best.
How do I do it?
For me…. the impossible became possible with a road trip to Robert De Niro’s Greenwich Hotel in TriBeCa, NYC.
There is no way on Gawds green earth that I could typically afford to stay at the Greenwich. But now with laundry money I can do it. I have traveled to the Greenwich and just chilled like a rock star. That’s right. Chilled. On laundry money.
I can promise you one thing. It is FAB.
Staying at the Greenwich presents a challenge for me. The challenge of : pretend to be normal and not jump up and down in idiotic glee when you see a famous face.
It takes massive effort on my part to pretend I’m calm, cool and collected. Massive.
When Russell Crowe walks by in the hotel lobby, I dare YOU to be calm. Double dare you.
How do you spell e-p-i-c f-a-i-l ?
My face may just be on the epic fail poster. Why ohhh why can’t I be cool? Pfffft.
This year, we met Scott Grimes at the hotel.
He is funny and fun and really down to earth. He is truly awesome. Did I just sound like a weirdo? I’m not. I promise. That is like saying ‘trust me’ when I say these things.
PS. Never trust anyone who says ‘trust me’.
Except me.
Michael and I met Scott in the lounge at the Greenwich Hotel. No word of a lie…. after sitting with him for at least an hour {{ and lovin’ every bit of his personality }} it dawned on me who he was.
I lie. It is more embarrassing than that. Actually, he had to tell me who he was. He was sooooo sweet. I wish I wasn’t so dim in that very moment.
Yes, I am THAT dim. I must have been hit with the stupid stick. For the record, the sticks name was ‘Pinot Noir.’
Our conversation :
Scott : Russell is stopping by later to say hey and practice a bit of music. Maybe you may want to meet him.
Me: Russell who?
Scott: Russell Crowe.
Me : You know Russell Crowe ?!!!!!!!
(Hiding my freak-out-ness). Not really. I was freaked.
Scott : Yes, he is a good friend of mine.
Me : Shut up. How do you know Russell Crowe ?
Scott : { Acting normal. Like a normal person.}
I, on the other hand was mentally challenged at this point. “Well…. I starred with him in the movie Robin Hood. I was also on the TV show “E.R.” Have you heard of that show? I’m Scott Grimes.”
Clearly, Scott was now discovering that I was a complete and utter dim wit. I may have to agree with him. How could I not recognize him? Was I wearing fog filled blurred wine sunglasses?
Me : Ohhh.EhhhM.Geeehh. Scott !!!! Scott Grimes ??!!
P.S. Typing that reminded me how dorky I must have sounded. I think I just had a hot flash. Nope. I am certain. It was definitely a hot flash.
Me : I thought you were awesome before I knew that you were famous!
(Scott probably wanted to run away at this point)
I think I may be the only person on earth who may have said that to him. The truth was, I really did like him, without any pretense of his fame. PS. Who the hell doesn’t know who Scott Grimes is?
Dear Pinot Noir, you are a dim wit. It is all your fault.
What did I learn that night ?
1. Maybe not to inhale sip Pinot.
2. I’m a dork.
3. Scott Grimes can sing! Wow can that guy sing. He is beautiful. Just sayin’.
I tell no lies. He sings like it is nobody’s business. Sing. Wow.
Do you want to do something fun? We can avoid doing laundry for just a moment more. Let’s tweet Scott. And Russell. PS. Russell Crowe has no idea who I am. He will definitely run for the hills now. Let’s play !!
Let’s tweet them.
I can help you. We can look like idiots together.
Things are waaaay more fun this way.
Ready? Set. GO !
Here’s the tweet for you: Tweet to Scott Grimes 
Don’t be chicken. You can do it. You can do it.
Are you wondering what this has to do with making homemade laundry soap? Me too.
The Greenwich hotel carries a brand of soap, shampoo and candles made by Red Flower.
The red flower company has a tag line of :
A lust for life, a source of potent radiance and a deep belief in nature.
Red Flower Soap. YUM.
Any company with a tag line like that is a friend of mine. Red Flower is officially my bud. Okay, they have no idea who I am… but I am in love with them. Just like theeee hawt Russell Crowe, beautiful Scott and hunky Robert DeNiro.
Hellooooo….that soap smells like Heaven on earth. I’m sure those boys do too. Just sayin’. So, of course, I steal from the hotel room buy some when I am in NYC. I also eat every single candy in the room. I return home looking like a fat kid in a candy store with muffin top….. but my hair and body smell good.
Laundry Soap. Geesh, Lynne. Focus.
I am not really a granola but the whole idea of making laundry soap still intrigued me. That’s good enough. Right? Right. A girl has to do what a girl has to do.
Homemade Laundry Soap Recipe :
4 cups Borax
4 cups Super Washing Soda (made by Arm & Hammer)
4 cups oxiclean (optional but I like the extra cleaning power)
1 container Downy unstopables
1-2 bars of Fels Naptha or grated soap. You can use any soap that turns your crank.
Store in sealed container. Use 2 tablespoons per load.
I have no idea how much the cost is per load, but it is inexpensive. I think. It is definitely value priced. Cheap. Cheap.
This laundry soap recipe will almost make you want to do laundry. Uhm. I said almost. Don’t get too carried away. Laundry is still boring without De Niro in your imagination.
My scientific official review of handmade laundry soap :
* I lied about the scientific part. I didn’t even look at the labels/ingredients. These ingredients could have exploded when mixed together. Like I cared. Bye bye laundry.
* The grated bar of soap is divine and fine, but if you really want a great kick of smell in your laundry, Downy unstopables sure make it smell YUM.
PS. Dear Downy, why didn’t you spellcheck unstopables ? Just sayin’. Someone is missing a ‘p’. Not mentioning names. But now I have to pee.
Now I know where I put my kitchen utensils. My bad.
Now go forth conquer that laundry pile like a souped up, CRAZED, mean cleaning machine.
Life is so exciting. And clean. And sexy. Robert De Niro sexy.
Just the way we like it.
Right?
Right.
Does this mean we are easy, cheap and sexy?
Yes, that makes YOU a floozy.
* Smooch *
xx
PS.
In case you missed it, Design Mom interviewed me about our home and family. I was sober for that one. Imagine that?! Waaahierd. I know. Want to read it? Here you go: Living with Kids by Lynne Knowlton. Any epic photos in the blog post are by Andrew Grinton. If it’s a crap photo, it’s mine. If it is a gorgeous photo, it is Andrew’s. That dude is talented beyond belief!! Mountains of talent. Mountains of heart.
Another great part about the interview in Design Mom are the comments by YOU. Read ‘em. I’m thinking about printing the comments and laminating them. I can wave them in front of the kids when they are mad at me for hiding their cell phones. Yup. I’m smart when I don’t drink Pinot.
Like this post? Will you share with your pals on Facebook and Pinterest? I’ll kiss you. Truth. We can all be social media pals together. Come and stay a while. Just don’t bring your dirty bag of laundry. Unless Robert De Niro is carrying it.
That cowgirl looks like Ree from Pioneer Woman. LOVE THAT !!
Would you like to have awesomeness delivered to your email box each week? I blog sort of once a week. I can’t dream anything up more often than that. Not without hard liquor anyway.
I goof off in instagram too. I want to filter-ize everything and then #hashtag it for kicks. It sure beats doing laundry. Thank goodness instagram doesn’t have a breathalyzer filter.
Here you go…don’t be afraid to enter your email addy. I will hold your hand. You will be fine with your clean clothes and smelling like a hawt actor. Not mentioning names. Bob.
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