Image courtesy of Tina Phillips/ Free Digital Photos
Everything in life is about choices. And as parents we have to make a lot of choices which affect other people. People who are very important to us and who we are in charge of making sure they grow up to be productive members of society. And something my parents never had to worry about with me, was do we get her a cell phone or not?
I asked on my Facebook fan page last week what age was the right age for a child to get a cell phone. There were varying responses as there usually are with these type of things. Of course what I truly believe it always boils down to is the child and what sort of situation the family is in at the time. But there were responses like 21 is the age, high school, not until they can pay for it themselves, and more middle of the road of it depends on the child.
There were also some very strong feelings being presented on the matter. Who knew cell phones could cause so many emotions. But I thought I would share my experience and how we came to the decision we did on cell phones in our house.
My Child Won’t Have A Cell Phone Til She Can Pay For It Herself
I was once that parent. I couldn’t understand how anyone could just hand their child a cell phone. I made it through life without one, surely my child could too. But then again times were different when I was a child. There was a pay phone on just about every corner. Now a days, not so much.
It’s really a nice sentiment in theory. And I truly do applaud the parents who have found a way to make that happen. And you know I look back on my childhood where it was okay to drink from the garden hose, where we stayed outside all summer long until the streetlights came on, where we weren’t required to ride in car seats until we were 10 years old, or wear bike helmets to ride our bikes, and while I do think sure I survived that doesn’t mean I think my kids necessarily need to do all of the things I did as a child.
And sure, it might seem like they have it easy. And well we had it easier than our parents generation, and they had it easier than their generation. It’s just sort of a rite of passage to break out into the whole, “When I was a kid…” mantra. There are trade offs for the conveniences of life though.
The more technology we have the less simple our lives seem to become. We rely on this technology though. It has become such a way of life.
My Thinking Began To Change When My Oldest Started Middle School
Just over 3 years ago if you had asked me my thoughts on cell phones, I still probably would have told you children shouldn’t have them until they can pay for it themselves. And then the more we began learning about middle school and the more times I saw my oldest being left alone, the more I realized this is just not feasible.
First of all, our home, like many others, has become a home without a land line. We use cell phones. It’s to the point where my children have actually asked what the phone jack that’s on our wall is for. Sad I know, especially since we have had a house phone in our home when our two oldest have been around at least and they do get to see it at my parent’s house. But since our family is all a long distance call for us we decided a while ago it’s just silly to have a land line and a cell phone. Most of our calls were just being made on the cell phone. So there is no land line in our home.
And when I realized that my oldest daughter could be coming home to no one home on occasion I began to worry, what if there’s an emergency? She couldn’t really go to the neighbors. Aside from the fact that we didn’t really know them there was also a good possibility they wouldn’t be home either. Besides, what if there was an emergency which prevented her from leaving the house. A burglar broke in or a fire had her trapped. Odds might be slim of these things, but none the less, I do not want to be unprepared on the off chance that this does happen. But besides that, I needed a way to reach my daughter to check up on her or to let her know where I was or when she could expect me home. So it was an emergency only phone.
And at that moment in time I also didn’t believe I would be doing the same thing for her younger sister at that age. But here we are, she’s that age, and we are at a point where we just kind of need her to have her own phone as well. She goes to a school that’s half an hour away without traffic. I have to pick her up at a bus stop which is within walking distance at just over a mile from our home, but that I’m not too sure I want her walking because of the time she will be getting off the bus. When the days get shorter she will end up walking home in the dark. Not what I want for her at 11.
Do her friends have cell phones? Sure they do. Does she have access to a phone at school? Yup, you bet. However, does that mean she’s always going to have access to these phones? Nope, I don’t think so. Not to mention how difficult it could be for me to get a message to her. Okay, yes, our parents managed to do it. But you know what? My bus dropped me off at the top of my street. I walked down my street and let myself into our house. I didn’t get dropped off over a mile from home. My mom didn’t have to pick me up somewhere or let me know that she was running late. Times were different.
There’s More
I hate to use the “everyone’s doing it” defense, but that’s kind of what this is. Cell phones are becoming so common place that even in my oldest daughter’s high school they are allowing them to use them. There are times when they’ll need to get on the internet with their phones to do research. One of my daughter’s teachers said she was trying out a new app to use in the classroom where students could text questions to her and they would just show up on the smartboard. No one’s phone number is revealed so no one I guess knows who asked the question, but this is the kind of technology that is being used in the classroom. And 3 years from now it will be more common place. And 3 years after that and 3 years after that, even more so.
This is the direction we are heading. I can’t say I’m entirely crazy about it. I mean it’s one thing at the high school level or even the middle school level, but many schools are introducing more and more technology at the elementary level as well. As much as I hate the idea of the constant screen time this is the direction we are headed in. I’d like to keep it out of the elementary level as much as humanly possible, but not everyone agrees with me there I’m afraid.
I Personally Do Draw A Line
There is to me definitely a time that’s too young. While my 2 year old and 5 year old love playing with our cell phones I certainly don’t think either one of them need one. I’m not crazy about any elementary school child having a cell phone. Yet most of my middle daughter’s friends from 3rd grade on did have a cell phone. I remember my daughter feeling very left out of the texting spree that was happening at her 10th birthday party. Her friends all had phones and she did not, so they were texting each other.
I worry about our children learning how to personally connect with other people if they are always only communicating through electronic devices. I have no idea what motivated all of these parents to get their elementary age children cell phones. Was it keeping up with the Jones’? Was it for some reason like I mentioned above? I don’t really know. It’s not really my business. I have yet to see a need for my elementary age child to have a cell phone. And I’m glad that my children are learning how to communicate with one another face to face rather than through an electronic device. I can’t see a reason I would back down on the not in elementary school rule I have, but I also didn’t think I would ever back down on the not until you can afford it yourself rule.
Bottom Line
So all in all I think the biggest piece of advice I can give to parents who have young children is never say never. We don’t know what the future holds and what life is going to be like. These are really just things we have to take on a case by case basis. There are many factors which can come into play which include the maturity of our child and their ability to care for a cell phone and use it properly.
Running up high cell phone bills is getting harder to do with so many plans offering affordable unlimited minutes and texting plans, but even without those if you’re really not sure your child understands how to budget their usage, then you can always opt for a pay as you go phone. Plus there are also many great beginner phones for young children which only allow them to call certain key phone numbers. You don’t have to get your child a smartphone, you can just opt for a very basic no bells and whistles phone for your child.
It is up to each individual parent to decide what’s best though. And while I truly do admire a person’s conviction in saying no cell phone until they are old enough to pay for it themselves you just might be living in a pipe dream. I would love to be wrong about that though. However, you will have to excuse me if I give you the, “Wait until your child’s a teenager…” comment. Because I have walked in your shoes and I was absolutely sure right up until my oldest daughter started middle school that I was not going to be one of those parents who gets her daughter a cell phone.
Truth be told until this week I was also saying my child would not be getting an internet capable phone until she could pay for it herself. And then the classroom requirements/recommendations for school came home and a mobile device for getting on the internet is something that will come in handy. So now we’re seriously considering our data options. I don’t think my teenager needs to have the next best thing here, but I don’t want her falling behind in her education either. If this will give her a leg up on her future, then I would like to do what I can to provide that for her.
Does your child have a cell phone? At what age did you get it for her and why?
