Dear Martha,

(Can I call you Martha?  I feel like I should be able to be on a first name basis with you since I've known you for years.)
I want to apologize.  Yesterday I got pretty upset with you and gave you quite the silent rundown in my head after using your green dishwashing liquid  and then pulling a dirty-looking fork out to eat my breakfast and reaching back in for a slightly cleaner one.  I stepped off the hippie train, telling myself I'd go back to the hard stuff because this crap. doesn't. work.
Last night, when I was fixing my supper, it hit me like a ton of bricks-- the forks were dirty, everything in the dishwasher was dirty!  I hadn't finished filling up the dishwasher and therefore the forks had never been washed!
Arrrgggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!
(Next time use the ones in the drawer, right?)