Dating Magazine

Day 282: Appreciate the Nice Guy.

By Ellacoquine @ellacoquine
Day 282: Appreciate the Nice Guy.Illustration by Robyn Neild
Recently I had a conversation with a reader who was questioning my relationship with Séb and my feelings for him. It sounds weirder than it is, but the conversation just drifted in this direction. I was told that Séb comes across as "way too nice" on the blog and that it's inevitable that I'm going to want to go back to a bad boy like MF. Upon reading this, I let out a hearty chuckle at how wrong this perception is. After everything that had happened last year, I'll take "too nice" any day.
If this were 2004, choosing the bad boy over the nice guy would have been a possibility because I spent a better part of my twenties chasing that Mr. Big fantasy of trying to get that unattainable "cool" guy. That guy that you think you have this deep connection with but really all it really is is anxiety, fear and seeking approval from an unavailable guy. Really.
I was smacked in the face with the error of my ways back when I was living in LA, I was dating a great guy, a real catch. He had Luke Wilson good looks, was a talented, up-and-coming illustrator, funny, sweet and looking to settle down. I pushed him away to be with a total narcissist who was constantly standing me up, insulting me because I didn't know obscure Danish psychedelic rock groups from the 60s and didn't bother to learn anything about me. To this day, I still can't believe that I had feelings for such an insensitive miscreant whom by the way, I met on Friendster. Just to date myself a bit...
The nice guy illustrator eventually grew tired of my indecisiveness and gave up on me (as well he should have). He met and began dating his future wife, the now mother of his child; a smart woman who knew the value of the nice guy. Believe it or not, I was crushed when he decided to finally end things with me and I vowed to never make that mistake again. I really did care for him but I was immature and focusing on the wrong person - the one who didn't give a shit about me.
So I ask you? Why would I switch out a happy, loving relationship with Sébfor an unstable mess based on frustration? For example, MF saw absolutely no problem in making an 8 pm date with me and showing up three hours later. He also saw no problem with him gabbing on the phone with female friends up to three hours a day. They called when we were just getting up in the morning and before we went to bed but according to them, it was me who wasn't normale because I didn't think this was appropriate. Sadly, I blamed myself for his shortcomings and I worked hard at being less demanding, but the more lenient I became, the more he pushed the envelope until one night I exploded and threw a glass of water in his face in front of his brother and his girlfriend. Those days are behind me but I can't help but muse on them because so much has happened
There's something to be said about the nice guy, life is stressful enough, who needs that aggravation in your relationship? I finally, finally, finally appreciate the tranquility of a healthy relationship and can say with certainty that I will never trade it back for the artificial excitement of the chase. After all, I'm not a 23 anymore...
What about you ladies? How many frogs did you kiss before meeting your prince?

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