With extramarital affairs so common in today’s world, I thought I’d re-visit a different kind of affair, one that absolutely has no harmful consequences and can even add to a marriage. Interested yet?
So here is a question:
“When was the last time you tickled your spouse with a feather, provided a body massage, or left love notes in secret places? When did you last want to provoke funky little teases with the special person in your life?”
As a couples/marriage counselor, I hear about extramarital affairs frequently. Studies have shown that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, and affairs usually are the culprit.
As Henry said in counseling, “The truth is, there is no one reason why I sometimes think about having an affair. Rather, there are numerous reasons why I fantasize about something different.”
June talked about her feelings. “When I married Henry, I expected monogamy and a committed relationship.”
I explained to them that the incidence of affairs shows us otherwise. While the consequences of an affair are devastating, there are benefits of “role playing” something new, that can be had within the confines of the marriage itself.
So, why not play the part of a mistress or boy toy to add a new dimension to your marriage? It just might stave off wanderings, by you or your partner.
While many may feel self-conscious or even foolish while playing an unfamiliar role, once into it, magic can happen. Suppressed feelings or emotions can explode and ignite fireworks long forgotten.
Need a primer to get started? Here’s a roadmap of ways to have the “unexpected excitement” in your marriage.
Excitement
The couple decided to meet on the sly at wintery state park with cabins. Pretending to meet secretly can bring an adrenaline rush, even with your spouse. Henry ignited a lost spark for June with lovemaking in front of the cabin’s fireplace. A midnight jaunt outside to make a snow angel is optional! Never discuss your clandestine rendezvous; after all, you are meeting a secret lover, and you don’t want anyone to know! Men and women love the anticipation of a tryst in a new place. The expectation of what’s to come is much like physical foreplay for a woman.
Falling in love
Recreate the “Kodak” picture-perfect moments you experienced when you first fell in love. Don’t worry about sags or bags, Kodak moments are images in your mind. June encouraged Henry to spill the beans about his fantasies. (Fantasies are fun, but first find out what your husband’s fantasies are.) He told her something awesome that she never knew about him. This new discovery, which she couldn’t wait to try out, was intoxicating. Doing it “felt like the first time.”
Sex
This pleasurable act can become routine with a spouse. Sex with a new partner, however, can bring intense awakenings. Many men try affairs because they want sexual conquest; but you can be that conquest! Before you really get into it, make sure your husband won’t be embarrassed by your antics. The very last thing you want to do is make him feel uncomfortable. Figure out a way to check things out before you begin your amorous assaults. Be creative, but be smart.
June decided to play a role opposite what he thought she was. The role involved wearing a long blond wig and leading the lovemaking. By the way, men love to hear they are great in bed. When you are pleased, try saying it and see how he beams. Use sexy talk and flirt with your husband, even in public. You have an arsenal of ammunition.
Passion, romance, and intrigue should always be part of your relationship with your husband. Remind yourself of how wonderfully blissful you felt when you were dating. That’s what keeps the home fires blazing, and physical reality is much more interesting than watching reality shows on television!
