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We got a few people to spill the beans on having sex for the first time and why sex on the honeymoon is bad. This might come as a shock to some of you, but if you're a bride or groom-to-be you've probably been warned by your friends about the horrors of 'sex life for newlyweds.'
We want to start by advising you to not listen to anyone because we're all different and will experience it differently, but at the same time we're totally being hypocritical and will try to help you with 14 sex tips they gave us from their experience on why sex on the honeymoon wasn't sexy and what you can do to make it better and easier on both of you.
We also want to apologize in advance to guys because we will be addressing the ladies more since they unfortunately have to deal with some pain that needs to be addressed…
1. Pain during sexual intercourse…
"I was lucky to marry my first love and best friend so there was no awkwardness we were actually really relaxed and happy but what sucked the most is definitely the PAIN!"
There is a foreign body going inside you for the first time, so it's completely natural for your body to tense up and resist it. That's why if you're able to just breathe and relax your body, it could help.
That's why the guy has to be gentle and understanding. He can't just keep going without asking you if you're okay or in pain.
"The problem is with the insertion of the penis, once it's inside the pain is not as bad."
"I wish I was one of those women, who didn't experience pain the first time." Apparently these lucky ladies do exist, but women we talked to before assured that for them there is a lot of pain.
However, it doesn't have to be as bad as people tell you it is. Try to block out the horrifying stories your friends tell you because it will make you panic more about the situation. Which brings us to…
2. Panicking and stress…
"I made it worse on myself by focusing too much on what people told me."
Don't just focus on what women you know went though. You have to remember that your body is different, he is different and there are no 'musts' to what will happen.
Panicking and stress, adds emotional and physical tension. It will make the process harder than it is. Try relax your body, think about how much you love this person. Focus on how exciting this intimacy is for both of you and let yourself feel pleasure when it happens. Remember that this experience will bring you closer than ever.
"I freaked out one time and cried but he kept re-assuring me that I'm okay and there's nothing wrong and he even told me I don't mind being married and never having sex (now I know it was a lie) but it meant a lot at the time. He said it to make me calmer."
This one sounds like a keeper, she says this really helped her relax and ease the stress for both of them, if only for a little while…
3. What's it like for the guy?
This is all really hard for the guy as well. Because he's not sure if he's doing something wrong and why things aren't working out properly.
Some guys also have higher expectations about sex, so it gets frustrating for them to be hit with the reality that in the beginning, it's going to suck for a while.
"Whatever you've watched or seen, it's never the same because you've never experienced it yourself."
It's also very hard for them to know she's in pain and see her face expressing that pain. It becomes very clear to the guy that she's not enjoying herself so it also turns them off.
"My friend actually ended up putting a pillow on her face once, so he wouldn't see the expression on her face."
It's important to remember it's not either one of your faults, you cannot help but show that you're not enjoying it and he feels sorry for you and is upset, not knowing what to do.
For the guy, he's under a lot of stress and he just wants to reach the point where it starts to get better with no pain, you both do.
You're also unfamiliar with his body, the penis and you're not sure what to do to please him. He's also learning about your body and getting to know it for the first time. So it's normal for both of you to be nervous and not sure what to do…
4. What can he do to make it better?
For the guy, the most important thing is not to put a lot of pressure on her and remind her that it's okay that it's bad now and that's only temporary.
Hug her, comfort her and kiss her. Be patient with her. Give it a while and rest a day before you try again. Also being super romantic during the honeymoon will really help.
5. Bleeding and the Hymen
Every woman is different and our hymens are different, so remember that it might not necessarily break or bleed the first time.
Also for the guy it's hard because they're not sure how much blood there's going to be and if it's normal or not.
"The blood doesn't make the situation any better because I was stressing about the housekeeping seeing it and was too focused on getting the sheets cleaned."
Also your vagina will be super sensitive in the beginning, with a likelihood for infections and that doesn't make things easier. It is advised to always pee before and after sex to flush out any bacteria.
"I used to sit in warm water to help with the healing and soothing. Also don't use anything scented down there!"
6. Fighting & Communication
"I was told that there would be a lot of fighting on the honeymoon and it's true."
Sometimes it's hard for some guys to process the level of pain she's in. He could think she's not trying or she doesn't care as much because she's not enjoying it.
So, we cannot stress this enough because everyone talked about how important this is… communication is key. She has to express everything she's feeling physically and emotionally and so should he.
This should be easier for those already married to someone they're comfortable with because it will also help with foreplay when you're discovering each other's bodies, so you can tell each other what you like and what feels good and what doesn't.
7. Lubricant!
Lube will really help especially if you're dry down there from stress or the pill. It will make things easier and hopefully reduce the pain of intercourse.
"We used way too much lube in the beginning."
8. Foreplay & Orgasms
Foreplay will probably be your favorite thing in the beginning and even for the rest of your marriage. It's how most women orgasm and it's a great way to build up to the penetration and even take a break from it in the middle. Orgasms depend on the women, it's different for everyone. The more you both take your time with foreplay the better the sex and orgasms will be.
For both the guy and girl, don't panic if she can't orgasm in the beginning. It's natural with all the stress you're going through. Once the pain resides it will be easier to focus on enjoying the process. Also… "Don't ever fake orgasms!" Be open and honest with each other.
9. Being on the pill during your honeymoon
"I was on the pill and that was helpful, cause it removed the hassle of figuring out how to use a condom so we can just focus on us."
However, it is common for birth control pills to reduce her sex drive and decrease the natural vaginal lubrication.
10. Practice, Practice, Practice
Practice makes perfect with anything. It literally takes patience and practice. Try to avoid postponing it, because the more you do it the better it gets. If you keep postponing it, it will continue to hurt.
Of course, if you're going through too much pain and you don't feel like doing it, don't ever force yourself to do something you don't want to do.
However, couples did advise us to just rip the band-aid off. Of course, while being gentle and patient. They just mean that it could suck now and you might want to avoid it because of the pain, but the sooner you get used to it, the sooner you get the pain and uncomfortableness over with.
Also, try to do it before your honeymoon as the vagina takes some time to heal from the first time. That way you can start having sex again on your honeymoon.
11. The stereotype of "you should be doing it all the time on the honeymoon."
"I kept saying 'why wasn't the honeymoon like 2 months after the wedding'."
The fact is honeymoon sex definitely won't be the best sex of your life, because it's only the beginning and you're still learning about each other's bodies and experiencing things for the first time.
It takes time to learn what you want and learn to please your spouse as well. Also, try to enjoy the foreplay, it's the best part and the most enjoyable.
"Because of the pain and the fact that we weren't enjoying it, I used to not want to go back to our room. I wanted to stay out."
12. Lingerie is not important?
No, it is important. It's an important part of feeling sexy and enjoying the process. It's fun and it will get you both in the mood.
13. Sex positions
On your honeymoon, start with the easiest position, which is missionary. Keep going with missionary slowly until you get used to it, it is the easiest angle for penetration and should be less painful for her. Then after a while, if you're both comfortable you can shift to cow girl or doggy style.
14. When does it get better?
It takes around 2 to 3 weeks to get better. Although, as we said, every couple is different.
Within the first couple of months you should both begin to understand things better and it starts to get a lot better and a lot more enjoyable.
Main Image Credits: Instagram @couplegoals
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Original Article
Article complet Couples Tell Us Why Sex on Their Honeymoon Wasn’t Actually Sexy Sur L'Express.
