In Every relationship in our lives, friendships, family, romantic and professional can potentially be destroyed by conflict. The solution is not to ignore the conflict or keep moving around hoping to find the perfect person or perfect people. We need to deal with the problems we currently face, otherwise they will just reappear elsewhere. The only thing we have the power to change in any relationship is ourselves and our own attitude. We can’t expect to change other people, but we can learn to deal with relationships in a way that promotes peace and diffuses conflict. Learning to Resolve conflicts in a relationship is one of the most important life skills we can develop and it is something we need to value.
I believe, it is important to see the problem from the other person’s perspective. This does not mean we have to agree with their viewpoint; it means we try to see the issue from a different perspective. This can at least help us to understand where they are coming from, and why they have their particular mindset. If we can do this we may wish to moderate our stance because we understand why they are acting in a certain way. If we only look at things from our perspective, conflict will certainly arise. A major cause of conflict in relationships is when we expect people to behave in a certain way. The problem with expecting certain behavior is that we get upset when they fail to live up to our expectations. Even those close to us are not our responsibility; we need to be tolerant of their mistakes and limitations. We have to respect their decisions on how to live their life. This detachment is not indifference; we can retain concern , but there comes a point where we need to give people the freedom to make their own choices, even if we don’t agree with them.
Unfortunately, if we respond to situations by getting angry we will make the situation even worse. Anger holds a feeling of aggression and condemnation which people struggle to deal with it. It also calls out and it encourages people to respond in a similar way. If we feel angry, the best solution is to avoid talking , arguing at that particular time. We should calm our anger before confronting other people. Any conflict will only be heightened by anger. Similarly, if people approach us with anger, we have to learn to respond differently ,silence is better than getting mad at someone.
Most of the time we get what we aspire for. If we really value peace in our relationships with others, then we will make it happen. If we make proving the other person wrong or proving ourselves right the priority, then there will be a constant feeling of superiority and inferiority which breeds conflict. If we keep reminding ourselves of the desirability of peace we won’t allow ourselves to become argumentative and miserable.
One of the secrets to maintaining good relationships is generating a feeling of oneness. This means we will feel happy at the success of others; we will sympathize when they experience difficulties; we will strive to avoid hurting their feelings. In oneness there is no superiority and inferiority. Without oneness, we are prone to feelings of pride, jealousy and insecurity. If you feel a really genuine sense of oneness with other people, how can you want to hurt them? Certainly this is the case is romantic relationships, the very last thing we should want to do is hurt the one we are in love with, I know it hurts me to the core when I say anything hurtful to Lee. It should also ring very true in family relationships, every family has conflict, most every time its caused by egos colliding, I have found that ridding myself of my ego has been most helpful, this has removed any and all conflict within myself for anyone I am associated with. I allowed my mind to tell me that without my ego I would be just an insecure human being.
When we are full of insecurities our relationships become more difficult. The problem is that if we are insecure about ourselves we can become judgemental about other people; to make ourselves feel better we will start criticizing others. We may not be conscious of this, but it does happen.(This is why i choose to not let my mind control me) When we are at peace with ourselves, good peaceful relationships come natural. When we have inner peace , we don’t rely on other people to give us security and praise. When we are at peace with ourselves, we tend to have a sympathetic and positive view of the world. Often we want to blame bad relationships on other people; but, actually the only thing we can really do is to work on ourselves. If we develop inner peace our relationships will definitely improve.
When tense situations arise, talking can be the most effective way of moving past the problem. Some things are best left unsaid; it does no one any good to bring up old conflicts unless absolutely necessary, what has already happened cannot be changed. When talking we should try to talk about positive issues; look for things which we agree on and can work together on.
Don’t get upset about little things. In the great cosmic game, most of the minor personality conflicts are relatively insignificant. If we get mad when someone doesn’t do the washing up, how are we going to react when they do something really bad? If you find yourself getting worked up by a series of small things, take a step back and try to evaluate their relative importance. For each minor failing try to think of a really good quality of that person. If you are sincere you will feel that this good quality is far more important than the minor indiscretion, This is something I have had to step back myself and put into action.
No conflict is difficult. If we are willing to change our attitude,release our egos. we can develop peace even with difficult people. It is always important to be positive and forget the past. If we can develop peace in our relationships, it will definitely make a big difference to our lives.
Live, Laugh, Love
Lois
