Now that online dating has gone mainstream, users have gotten very competitive and savvy in their self-marketing and the dating game has changed for good. Not such good news for would-be daters.
Back in the old days, boy met girl through church, school, at a friend’s party, down the street, etc. They met, felt an attraction and spent time getting to know each other without the distraction of dating many others at the same time. If they liked each other, things progressed and they eventually got married and settled into a life of home/work/family and close community.
Now that the world has shrunk and folks have access to many compatible singles all at once, the competition and need to effectively market oneself has become fierce. Ever been in the situation where you had too many choices and couldn’t decide and finally chose something, only to regret it later? Online dating can have this same problem.
We also have shows like the Bachelor and Bachelorette- where 25 eligible singles are introduced to one lucky dater who has six weeks to find their true love from among the group. They weed out folks every week, whittling the list down after individual, group and two on one dates, in which they get to know one another better. The competition is fierce- and with each new season someone comes up with yet another incredible marketing stunt to stand out and get that rose.
Just thinking about it can make us nostalgic for the old days… But how can daters today negotiate this brave new world of virtual relating, where they are just a face and profile trying to stand out and get noticed among a sea of others? There are two new books out that propose to help daters do just that. They are Love in the Time of Algorithms and Data, a Love Story. One was written by the son of a couple who were matched by a dating service in the 60’s. The other was penned by a woman who learned how to be a very aggressive and successful self-marketer who successfully found love on the internet.
While I’m all for online dating and work regularly with singles on their profiles, handling first emails, taking their relationship offline, etc- I still believe that love can be found in the “old-fashioned” way. So don’t overlook that cute guy or attractive woman on the train, at the grocery store, at the deli, at your apartment pool-or anywhere else you could have a chance meeting with love.
