Where I Watched it: Hulu
English Audio Description?: No
I was really looking forward to this, as the other critics I admire who saw this theatrically in July were mostly positive. Sadly, Cobweb was relegated to Hulu, where the great minds decided not to pursue acquiring an audio description track. So, sadly, this is from the perspective of a blind critic forced to watch this without accessibility, which is another reason studios should add me to their screener mailing list. How can I praise a horror movie if I don’t know what’s horrifying about it?
My instinct would be to tell you to watch Cobweb if you are sighted or blind and find the audio description. It does a good job of not messing around, and building that sense of dread early on. Plus, it’s a horror film set on Halloween.
Woody Norman (who was terrific in C’Mon C’Mon) stars as a young boy in a house with his parents (Antony Starr and Lizzy Caplan) who starts to hear something inside the walls.Of course, this is not something his parents believe, and the film does a good job of making them creepier as the film moves forward. in fact, there are several plot points Cobweb is confident enough to flaunt in your face, right out in the open, because it has such a batshit crazy third act, it knows that no matter what it shows you, the dots will never connect.
I’d go so far to say that if you have a friend who saw Cobweb and is pulling that whole “I saw the ending coming from a mile away” thing that people do to be annoying, just block them, and remove them from your life. that person is a pathological liar. I don’t think anyone guessed this ending. It’s that absolutely totally nuts. It makes Barbarian look normal.
So, just when you start thinking the thing in the walls might be what you think it is, because there’s some story about a girl who went missing years ago, or you notice the emphasis on rat poison, and the dedication of a certain teacher to check up on our young boy, at a certain point, the film decides to drive your car off a cliff, and that whole third act needs audio description so bad. I did my research, I’ve heard what happens, and I didn’t pick up on any of that in my non-accessible version offered by Hulu. But it is absolutely bonkers.
This film has great actors, is well paced from the beginning, and features a third act that is one for the ages. there are scares and gore, and things you can’t unsee. It might be the best horror film of the year, but without audio description, this was a challenge to follow, and I only know as much as i do thanks to other people’s reviews on the internet.
Accessibility matters. Describe everything.
Final Grade: unwatchable
