Diaries Magazine

Children Such a Joy.

By Blairbarnes

I work in a white table cloth type restaurant, we are in a busy part of downtown so we get a lot of business types and mostly adults. Nothing about our place is kid friendly. A few weeks ago I had this party of 6 (a reservation) 3 adults and 3 kids. The 3 adults are snobby looking moms with designer everything and 1000 dollar strollers and they walk into our restaurant with their 3 whiney kids ages probably 2, 4, and 6. Our exchange went like this:

Me: “Hello everyone! Welcome. Here are our specials, prix fixe, wine list…etc.

Lady with the biggest diamond: “I need to see your kid’s menu and get some crayons.”

Me: I’m so sorry, we do not have a kid’s menu but here are some options..plain pasta, our regular hamburger, cheese pizza…also, we do not have crayons I can get you some blank sheets of paper and a pen if you’d like.”

Lady with an Hermes scarf: WHAT! How ridiculous! You don’t have a kid’s menu how is little Jr. going to eat??? It’s so rude you do not have crayons, what are our kids supposed to do this whole time!


Lady with $1000 stroller: “Do you even have chicken nuggets?!”

Me: “No, I’m so sorry we only have the previous options I listed.” May I get everyone a beverage while you make some selections?”

OMG NO NUGGETS!!! (Big sigh) “Sorry Jr. this mean restaurant doesn’t want you to have nuggets.”


Anyways, you guys get where this is going. Fast forward a few minutes I had taken the drink orders, for the ladies a bottle of Chard obvi!!!! and for the kids Coke, Lemonade, and milk (they were pissed we didn’t have chocolate). I brought out the drinks and found the ladies at the table and the 6 year old gone, the four year old drawing on the white table cloth on the next table and the baby screaming. My other tables looked like they wanted to kill me and the women. Apparently the 6 year old was found out on our patio petting a dog. These ladies complained the entire time about how we didn’t offer enough selections for kid while putting away two bottles of wine and then left me 13 percent!!!!!! Thanks Ladies that 13 percent sure made up for the fact that I had to wrangle your 6 year old four times, loan you three pens for them to color with (which I didn’t get back), and clean up all the shit your 2 year old threw on the floor, walls, table etc. Thanks a lot!

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