Charlie Sheen. Photo credit: Angela George
Charlie Sheen is heading for a grisly death – or at least, his Two and a Half Men character is. According to TMZ, the new season of the sitcom will open with the news that Charlie Harper has been run over by a subway train. Sheen was fired from the award-winning show following a period of erratic behaviour during which he lambasted his employers, singling out creator Chuck Lorre for particular criticism – assuming calling someone a “low rent nut-less sociopath” counts as criticism.
- “Meat explosion”. It seems the Two and a Half Men team may just bear a tiny little grudge towards Charlie Sheen: apparently his character’s death will be a “meat explosion”. Charlie Harper will be killed off screen in Paris, with his girlfriend/stalker Rose returning to recount the details of his death to his family; this is where the phrase “meat explosion” will come in. The implication will be that she pushed him under a train after discovering his infidelity. According to Reuters/The Wrap, the funeral will be somewhat nicer than the death, featuring “delicately arranged flowers”. However, Mary Elizabeth Williams argued at Salon that Sheen’s career is far from deceased: “Sheen remains very much alive as a commodity. He’s signed to do a new sitcom for Lionsgate called Anger Management… fortunately for his fans, Sheen’s staying exactly where he’s most comfortable — mad as hell.”
- Kutcher to the rescue. Charlie Sheen will be replaced by Ashton Kutcher, AKA Mr Demi Moore, who will play an internet billionaire. TMZ reported that Kutcher is already “extremely popular” on the set of the show. When Kutcher was announced as the replacement in March, Sheen was surprisingly sanguine, sending a congratulatory Tweet: “#Winning Congrats to the cast and crew…CBS &WB..! My best to @aplusk!! The show must go on…You got the right guy! c.”
- “Hotties”. Apparently Sheen is similarly unconcerned about his character’s bloody end, and is planning a party to watch the episode. According to The Sun, the actor has declared his intention to have “my very real hotties in tow” as he views the funeral scenes. It is unclear at this stage whether by “hotties” Sheen was referring to attractive women, or whether he simply intends to cuddle up with some hot water bottles.
- “Tiger blood”. On reflection, the hot water bottle interpretation makes no sense, as Sheen surely doesn’t need external heat sources; he has, as he told ABC, “tiger blood”.
- Fantasy figure. Sheen’s departure from the show came after the star made a series of manic television appearances and rambling statements amid rumours of drug addiction and domestic violence. While a Guardian poll found readers saw Sheen’s public meltdown as more tragedy than comedy, Bret Easton Ellis described the actor’s lifestyle as “a certain kind of male fantasy”: “What Sheen has exemplified and has clarified is the moment in the culture when not caring what the public thinks about you or your personal life is what matters most,” he wrote at The Daily Beast.
