Causing Problems

Here's a moment of living out loud for you...
This blog is causing serious problems amongst my family. They aren't happy with what I write here & they find it to be a slap in the face. And while I understand that some of what I write may cause them pain, they seem to think that it's an intentional attack on them.
That has never been my intention and it pains me that they think I write to hurt.
I write to be free.
But all this freedom is coming with a cost. It's driving a rift between me & some family members & it's creating even more tension. One family member commented today that she doesn't like what I write, but that she reads because it's the only way for her to know what's going on in my life... here's a tip: ask. engage. make an effort. 
I don't perceive criticism of my life choices as making an effort. 
I don't see yelling at me for writing about how I feel as engaging in conversation.
I don't see perusing my blog, my Twitter, and whatever other social media outlets without interacting in any way as being interested in what's going on in my life.
Now for my peace: In the past I have intentionally kept my family at a distance. But I'm trying to change that. I feel that I'm making an effort to repair certain things in regards to my relationship with them. What I feel they don't understand is that it takes time and it's emotionally exhausting. One honest & open conversation won't do the trick. There needs to be more. 
And while I'm trying, I just can't shake the feeling that I'll never be good enough to fit into my family's idea of what I should be. I can't shake the feeling that no matter what I do there will always be tension, there will always be struggle. 
Is it all my fault? I don't know.
But I'm sick of trying and getting caught in a huge backlash of yelling, pain, and tears.
I honestly don't know what else I can do at this point to make myself clear... if you don't like what you read here, then don't read it. To me it's that simple. If you want to know me better, then do it. It's a 2-way street folks and I'm only one person going one direction. 
And I can only do so much.