9/8/13: I had a 9pm phone call from Valerie Jarrett begging me to make a house call on patient who was highly distressed. She and patient's wife had placed him on his ivory throne but it had not worked its usual reassuring magic. I was taken quickly to patient's private quarters and found him in a near-hysterical state, lying on the floor, rocking backwards and forwards, sucking his thumb, drumming his feet on the floor like a child having a tantrum in a supermarket aisle. I injected him with a mild sedative. "What seems to be the problem?" I asked him. "S-s-s-senators." he replied. Apparently patient had decided to drop by Joe Biden's official residence where Biden was hosting a dinner for several key senators. Patient had hoped his presence would help influence them to approve attacking Syria. Instead they all rounded on him and told him to "piss off, takeyour lousy attack plan with you and don't let the door hit your skinny ass on your way out."
"They were eating Italian food, family style, and I wasn't even offered a string of spaghetti," patient whimpered. "Yesterday Pootin assaulted me. Now everybody hates me. " There, there," I said reassuringly. " I --for one--don't hate you. Just sit on your new throne for while and you will feel your sense of infallibility seep back into you." The moron's basic problem is terminal immaturity, reluctance to make decisions and inability to foresee the consequences of the decisions he does make. I once treated a similar syndrome with a Georgetown University student named Fluke. ---Dictated by S.H. Rink, MD.
