Most or all of us believe that love at first sight can happen, or that good friends could grow into lovers given the right mix of chemistry. But the idea of someone falling in love with a person they were initially repulsed by—now that is a shocker for most people. This is the love story of Carly and Evan, and it is one that just may get folks thinking about relationship possibilities in a different way.
As a dating/relationship coach I have worked with many folks who did not feel an initial attraction to someone, but over time, one developed and grew into a love affair. However, I cannot recall a single time when one of my clients expressed a repulsion or even a complete lack of chemistry when meeting someone and then later on, falling head over arse with them. I often encourage those who feel neutral on a first date to give it a second or third try because with repeated exposure and more time to get to know that person, their feelings could change. But if they say “yuk,” I usually agree that this is not likely the person for them. I may handle this a bit differently going forward thanks to Carly and Evan or “Cvan” as they are being affectionately called by the network.
Carly and Evan’s story is something we can all learn from, especially those singles who believe they must seek out their “type” in order to find the right person for them. Another couple example from this season of Bachelor in Paradise are Vinny and Izzy. They were doing great together until Izzy’s “ideal man” walked in and she broke Vinny’s heart, who was blindsided by her sudden change of heart. Izzy also said she was shocked at her reaction, saying that if she could list the physical qualities of her perfect man, the new guy was it. Of course, new guy went for someone else, then just wasn’t feeling it with her either and ended up leaving the show alone, as did Izzy who was desperate to get right back with Vinny who quickly said “no thanks.”
In Carly’s case, it appeared to be a combination of typing and maturity. After all, her type last season was Kirk, so different from Evan, and clearly someone Carly fell hard for and was devastated by when he ended things with her. Right from the start Carly took some of the lead with Kirk, and early on he expressed some doubts, which he clearly buried till near the end of the season. But it was Evan who pursued Carly, who fell hard and quite creatively got and kept her attention long enough to engage her in real conversation and interaction. Initially she didn’t feel a physical attraction, then expressed her thoughts about his weirdness, and even loudly and bluntly talked about how awful their first kiss was and the long kiss she endured on their hot pepper date. But Evan persisted, supported her when she got sick on that date—then faked an illness so he could get and keep her at his side in the hospital. It seems that his persistence and the fact that he was so into her contributed heavily to her change of heart. She also got to know him in a more real life way and enjoyed the interaction. This is where maturity comes in. If Carly were 23 rather than 29, she probably would have missed out on this chance for love.
Evan has three boys and is divorced and Carly has never been married—yet post-show, things seem to be going well. They live in the same town (what are the odds?) and this is clearly an advantage.
If you are a long time viewer of the shows in this franchise you will know how often the relationships have been all talk, scripted, or forced. Yet I think virtually everyone would agree that the last rose scene with Carly and Evan was as romantic and sincere as it gets. If these two don’t make it, I may hang up my shingle.
For all you searching singles out there—don’t rush to judgement, give that person a chance, and go for a second and possibly third date. What have you got to lose except a chance at love?
