Careful What You Ask for There

I’m planning my next sick day.
I mean, I don’t want to waste my time actually being sick.
I just want to claim that I am.
I’m not a willy-nilly kind of gal, despite what you may have heard; and there’s no reason to rush into things. After all, with a light at the end of the tunnel, one can endure much.
But what do I call in with? What kind of sick am I?
I had the real Swine Flu just a couple years ago, so that’s out. Faking that requires almost four full weeks of sallow-faced, furrow-browed commitment.
Who's got that kind of energy?
And I’m not interested in recreating the Great Chicken Pox Hysteria of the mid-80s, either – a condition wherein three out of four co-workers came in with real Chicken Pox, causing me to break-out in a rash resembling yet totally unrelated to a pox.
Turns out I'm suggestible.
No, I need something small yet urgent, something that wouldn’t require a doctor’s note – or even a doctor’s appointment – but that would keep me out of the office for a day or two.
If I lost a toe, would that sound suspicious? I broke one once. Of course, I was rather drunk at the time, apparently too drunk to be concerned about the excruciating pain inflicted by the chick on the dance floor with four-inch heels, an excruciating pain that magically disappeared with a couple shots of tequila. In the morning, however, the pain returned and that’s when I discovered the fat purple slug that had replaced my baby toe.
Hmm. OK. No toe abuse.
What about a collapsed lung? Too dramatic? You know, the more I think about it, the less excited I am about this one. While there may actually be a sudden and organic reason for a lung collapsing, I just don’t look like someone who’s lung might do that.
How about the vapors? Is that really a medical condition or is it turn-of-the-century code for passing gas? I hate to call in claiming flatulence. I called in "ugly" once and things were never quite the same in the ol' typing pool after that.  Do you think I dare call in with “the vapors”, or is that just a good way to get a drop-in from HR?
I think I'm going to sit on this one for a while.
There's no rush. Like I said, as long as there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, one can endure much.