On my first date with Loki we got into a conversation about chivalry, and the question of, “Is chivalry dead?”. Our conversation rapidly diverged to bananas, sangria, hipsters, crazy things we’ve done on psychedelics and how we weren’t going to have sex that night, and we never really got back to the subject of chivalry.
It was enough to get me intrigued on the subject, so I did a little research. Chivalry itself is the code of conduct for knights, and is closely linked with another medieval concept- Courtly Love, which was, in summary, the non-monogamy of its day. It happened between all the people of the court with people they were not married to. Think Knights of the Round Table, pledging to serve their Queen Guinevere… and giving her the love, spiritual- and physical perhaps, if Arthur maybe couldn’t while he was off doing all those kingly things. Ok, maybe I am taking it too far. Forgive me if I am suddenly in love with the idea of Camelot being a male-filled medieval harem. Ahem.
I digress.
One of the things I discovered about courtly love (and to clarify, this has nothing to do with Kurt Cobain or Courtney Love) was that it involved a lot of romancing. Nothing might ever be consummated- or if so, rarely. But there is something beautiful and poetic about the whole elaborate process of wooing and exchanging poetry, favours, singing songs and so forth, to build the emotional connection and physical longing, even in between, erm, consummations.
Loki is a busy guy. He’s husband to a gorgeous and intelligent woman. He has two ridiculously adorable kids. He works full time, and does artsy-related stuff a few nights a week too. He has a girlfriend and an already busy social life… and suddenly I am in the picture as well. Fack, how do people do it? Dating married poly people is very different from dating non-married poly people. And dating married poly people with kids… that is a whole other dynamic. I’ll write a How To about that someday.
Just what was the whole jousting thing about, really?
I am under no illusions about the realities of how much time we might be able to spend together. Family is a priority as far as I am concerned, and I’m really impressed at how Loki and his wife have gotten creative in maintaining a balance with their family lives and dating lives- and they still get time to spend together. It’s inspired me to get creative with my own schedule.
Knowing how busy life is, I kinda feel extra special when I get to spend some time with him. And, I really like the side of me that comes out when I’m hanging out with Loki. There’s none of the anxiety or nervousness that I’ve often had early on in relationships- maybe that’s a testament to how far I’ve come in myself, or maybe it’s a testament to how good Loki is at creating a fun, spontaneous atmosphere that always keeps you on your toes, ready to play. Or heck, maybe it’s also cos we really get along. I get to be silly and obtuse, and get outside of my head- and these are qualities I really enjoy.
We had a six hour date last night, our second ‘date-night’ going out; our first was six weeks ago, and we have seen each other in some way or another every week- he brought me flowers when he come over to spend an evening at my place. Le sigh! Back to the story: last night was almost an old-fashioned date. Unconventional. Fun. An adventure! It evolved spontaneously, to include dinner and a movie and a bus ride home. And, after a lingering goodnight kiss, as Loki mounted his bike to ride off into the night, I caught myself thinking, ‘Yeah, chivalry isn’t gone. There’s still men who know how to do this courting thing, and do it right’.
And that, is pretty awesome.
