I Felt Compelled To Respond
So today I was reading one of the bloggers that I often disagree with. She brought up an interesting topic about changing parenting views. One which I actually tackled to an extent here on my own blog a few months ago.
I have been a parent for going on 13 years. And I have made it no secret to anyone here that what I did with my oldest daughter I have gone in a completely different direction with my youngest. Numerous reasons. I'm in a different place in my life. I'm older. I'm wiser. Back in the day of disposable diapers and bottle feeding with my oldest I sang its praises to all who would listen or cared to!
And here I am 13 years later a staunch supporter of cloth and breastfeeding! Does formula and disposable have its place? Absolutely! Did I ever dare put anyone down for doing things differently than me? Not that I am aware of. Most of my friends use formula and disposable diapers. If someone asked me why I made my choices I would happily explain why and why it's working for us, but I would never tell them they should do it my way too.
So Where's The Problem?
This other blogger in her 4 years of parenting has had her changes of heart in the whole what's best and what's not. She has been vocal about her beliefs and she has changed her position on a lot of things. That's all well and good, I don't blame her for that.
The problem I do have are the lies she has told and continues to tell about her parenting choices. She has lead people to believe that she did not circumcise her boys when she in fact did. We're talking complete with stories of an ignorant doctor and everything when it came to her keeping her boys intact. Giving people advice as to why they should do it the same way she did even though in reality her boys were circumcised. That doesn't sound like lying to avoid an outcry of disbelief from complete strangers. Because if that were all she was doing, then she wouldn't bring up the topic and make up stories of issues she had with her children. I can't say I have been asked by many people the status of my son's penis and that's really something you have to put out there yourself.
She has told people that she breastfed her oldest son for 18 months, then 16 months, then there was 10 months, and now she says around 7 months. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say we stopped nursing around this time. It was always this is when they stopped, very matter of fact. She has led women to believe that she tandem nursed her two oldest. Why say anything about having experience tandem nursing if you haven't? Certainly not because of some fear of backlash from internet strangers. That again, doesn't make sense!
She openly has criticized women for having a planned c-section. Something she said she would never do and then did do. Okay, change of heart, different situation, and all that. I get it, I really do! But to spend your energy brow beating women for having a planned c-section and then do it yourself is just wrong. You can't say women are smart enough to make their own choices, but then say they were wrong for their choice and not expect there to be some anger from that.
High Expectations
You just can't expect people to say oh she has changed. Not when all you ever do is lie about how you parent. Telling people you don't give your child sweets and then posting pictures of them with sweets, that is what people take issue with. Not that you have grown and changed as a parent. People don't like liars!
People want you to own your words! Admit when you are wrong. An apology I am sure would go a long way towards healing too. Kicking and screaming every time someone points out inconsistencies will not make that stop. If you have grown and changed, then prove it! Come clean with your lies. Make amends to those you have hurt in the past. And remain open and honest about your life. If you are truly going to own your parenting choices then you have GOT to be honest with everyone, but most of all with yourself.
Maybe a leopard can change its spots, but when you have years and years of lies behind you it's going to take a lot of convincing to get people to believe in your change. And this is why I am open and honest with my readers about how I came to where I am. Growth and change are all a part of life and people understand this. It's dishonesty that they do not understand nor tolerate.
Are there just some spots that a leopard cannot change?
