The topic of “bromance” has been on my mind lately. In the last segment of The Bachelorette, two men in the house got a lot of attention for the bromance they are developing—one the other guys and many viewers are scratching their heads over. Most of us know what this kind of relationship entails and may know a guy who has a friend that they feel very close to and can share their intimate feelings and thoughts with. However, these relationships don’t cross the physical intimacy boundary. Think Gus and Woodrow from Lonesome Dove VS Ennis and Jack in Brokeback Mountain. Yet, the innuendos are flying around the set of The Bachelorette after one of the guys verbalized that he was feeling love for his new friend, or was he just saying, “I love the guy, he’s great…”
Then there is the new book by Robert Garfield, a psychiatrist and faculty member at The University of Pennsylvania titled, Breaking the Male Code Unlocking the Power of Friendship: Overcoming Male Isolation For a Longer, Happier Life. Dr. Garfield’s book is about the healing power of intimate friendships between men and how rare these seem to be in our world. His advice sounds much like what is offered on dating sites or that couples’ counselors give when working with two people who want to grow and strengthen their connection. The importance behind this connection according to Dr. Garfield, is that men live longer, happier lives when they share platonic intimacy with other males.
So why don’t more men have these kinds of friendships? It’s complicated and has to do with everything from how guys are constructed, to cultural influences, to what they learned from their own fathers about what it means to be a man. At the core of all this is the concern about how a close relationship with another guy could be viewed by others. The Bachelorette backlash is a great example of this. It seems that many people see something more than friendship there, but so far there is no evidence of anything more except how Clint’s comments are being interpreted.
However it turns out, Clint has already said he is not that interested in Kaitlyn but is enjoying his time in the house with JJ and wants to stay for that reason. JJ hasn’t really offered any specific comments about his new buddy but is clearly enjoying the rapport and time they spend together. It will be interesting to see how it all turns out—between Kaitlyn and these two men and between the guys after the show ends.
I just hope that this now very public bromance won’t discourage guys from buying this great book and taking its advice to heart. A great and trusted friend is a wonderful asset in anyone’s life and too many men find themselves with no one they can really talk to who gets them, really gets them—except their significant other who really doesn’t get them and who can’t be a truly open and objective listener and confidant because of the clear conflict of interest that would be there if she tried to be both lover and objective friend.
